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who pays the bills in your house(kind of long)

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  • who pays the bills in your house(kind of long)

    i was wondering if you split bills in half or how most pay the bills if married or have a partner,i'm having an issue with my husband since i make way more money than him(i also work way harder and longer hours)so i told him that we need to split our bills in half so that i would'nt be so stressed and could work less,i also told him that he needs to get a part time job to be able to keep up with his bills and lifestyle he does'nt agree he says he has a fulltime job and that it's not his fault he does'nt make that much and that most of the bills are mine anyways (because of the van expenses) so i told him okay i'll figure out all the bills tonight and i guess we can pay 50/50 i don't know if it's going to work that way i just feel used and stressed most of the time so i kind of figured out already and my share including the van expenses would be around 2800 dollars a month with that in mind i could work 4 days a week and be able to pay my bills with 2 weeks income so the rest would be mine i guess i would still work hard if i knew i could spend the rest of the money or save it,go on vacation etc. so please help me on this since i will let him read all your comments if you have any other questions just ask me and will try to answer asap. any ideas welcomed.

  • #2
    Well....

    To me marrage is not fiify fifty, it varries.
    For us, when a bill come due, its paid. Who pays is is of no consequence.
    My husband makes more than me, so he usually pays the bills till his account is running low, and then I take over. When my account is low he goes at it again. Yes he pays more than I do, but it could be the other way around.
    Reguardless, the mortgage has to be paid, the lights have to be on, and food needs to be in the kitchen. We both live here, and we both do our best.
    He has never ever said anything like, your not pulling your weight, you need to pay more of the bills. He just never would do that.
    Are you sure your question is about money? I wonder.

    I will say, he never puts any brakes on me to keep me from doing anything I want to do, but I know I can't go to Kansas City this month either.
    Much as I want to, I can't do it right now.
    WE have bills to pay.
    I will settle for Cinn. and Chicago later in the year.

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    • #3
      I've been married 28 years and we always shared income. We have three (now grown) kids. We never seemed to have any extra and too often had too little lol! We've been fortunate in our ability to agree on how the money is spent. That being said, I do know some people who keep seperate checking accounts. I actually think it's a good idea for couples who have trouble agreeing on money.

      BTW all business expenses should be SEPERATE from your personal/household expenses.

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      • #4
        You should never feel used and stressed. Maybe stressed, but not used. Does he make enough money to support himself? Maybe you should take his paycheck and handle all the expenses? Does he spend frivolously? Maybe he should be allowed an allowance instead of the entire paycheck. I think that might work out for the two of you.

        In my family, we have a joint checking account. I get a check weekly, and I hand it over to my partner and he does whatever he needs to do with it. I dont have to worry about bills, ever. Thats a good thing too, because im horrible with paying stuff. If I was allowed to keep my money, id end up spending it all on the walk home. Hes able to monitor my spending because I can only buy things if I use my debit card.

        You need to get this under control before it does any damage to your relationship. You dont want that. Not for something as stupid as money.

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        • #5
          My husband pays most of the bills here, but he makes more than I do. My business is part time. We are both self-employed. He pays all the house bills, mortgage, electric, cable, taxes, ins., etc. I pay all my business bills and for my own vehicle & cell phone. The rest I either save or we use as "play" money. I pay for the "fun" stuff, like vacations, odds and ends at Walmart or CVS, clothes for me and my daughter, gifts for people. That type of thing. It works out well this way. He lets me buy whatever, as long as I can afford it. We have separate accts. and separate credit cards.

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          • #6
            There is no 50/50 in a marriage as far as I'm concerned. We put our money in a checking account and hubby pays the bills with what we have. There is no your money my money. It's OUR money. We work together. If I need to buy something I can, if he needs something he goes and buys it, if the money is there, of course.
            "There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."
            Diane

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            • #7
              I get the feeling there is something more going on here, it's not just about money. It might be a good idea to see a counselor or therapist to get to the root of the problem. Whatever the problem(s) may be, try not to wait. Would both of you be willing to try some marriage counseling?
              www.gomobileandsucceed.com
              http://thesuccessfulpetgroomer.com

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              • #8
                maybe if i add a little more information your ideas might change. we've been married for eight yrs and for the first 4 yrs or so he made maybe 100dollars more than me a week and i can understand that he feels he did it for me so why can't i do it for him before i had the business he had 2 jobs i worked too and back then we only had one car a nissan truck that was mine before we married,i feel that he is very selfish because all the new cars we've had he chooses,so last year i bought my own since i had to help him pay for the other car but could not drive it most of the time,some other things he has done,he bought an old el camino for wich he paid with our tax refund money one year then the car broke and he put a rebuilt engine in it wich he paid 2600 dollars for i did not agree but he di it anyways that car has been sitting in our driveway for 4yrs and he does not use it,he also put new tires new radio total spent on that car was around 5700 dollars that are just sitting in the driveway!because he drives an 05 avalanche now,one other thing that he bought was a pool table wich we paid around 2800 dollars for and he never uses and nobody is allowed to use it because they will ruin it he says! he also put 4 tv' screens in his truck and a dvd and a playstation that nobody can use when we go on long trips because they will break it; don't get me wrong he is a great guy apart from that he does'nt drink,smoke go out with friends etc and i know he loves me i just wish i could buy something that expensive for once since i work so hard i feel that our relationship has always been 75/25 and i'm just getting tired my son asked me the other day why are you so angry all the time mom my answer was i'm sorry i'm just very stressed.having to do almost everything by myself most of the time, i think i need a tequila shot and relax am i wrong to feel used.

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                • #9
                  i forgot to mention that 2800 dollars is what i need to make to pay for the total of my expenses i'm not including the business in the household expenses or our car payments and personal car insurance, that we have to pay on our own since i told him that if he bought what he wanted he should pay for it; his car payment is double my car payment i drive a mazda 6 2006.

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                  • #10
                    Its so hard being married and staying married. With that in mind, just remember .... you are both on the same team... try not to do a this is mine and that is yours.

                    We have always discussed major purchases, to look at how this will effect us financially. However, you also have to keep in mind the small purchases as well. We all know how those small purchases can add up so easily into a big purchase in a months time. It only takes a few trips to Target, eating out or picking up fast food to take home, getting the yard going for the spring season and before you know, you are over budget.

                    Good luck, I know this subject all too well. Dr. Phil says it the number one reason couples fight!

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                    • #11
                      My partner is on disability, which pays didley squat. So I pretty much support both of us. Not a problem. For the most part we throw all the money together and pay the bills out of that.

                      BUT! Business expenses should be seperate from household and personal expenses. I keep my work expenses seperate, even though I don't own the business. I still have to provide my own blades and clippers, scissors, sharpening. And even though my boss provides ribbon and fabric for bows and bandannas, I purchase some of those on my own, because the things I like cost more than the things she likes. And those expenses are kept seperate from our personal expenses. I don't expect my partner to foot even part of the bill for my business expenses.

                      I'd suggest you buy two budget planners, one for work and one for home. Your work budget is your responsibility. The home budget is joint. Figure your household expenses, and plan out how much each of you will be responsible for. Your budget should include such things as clothing, hair cuts, and other personal necessities. Include a savings plan, a vacation savings plan, and an "allowance" for each of you. You're allowance is play money; spend it on what makes you happy.

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                      • #12
                        Well I pay all the bills in this house,but I am also single! lol I was married at one time and we had a joint account for bills and each of us had a savings account.It's a good feeling to have "something" to see for your efforts and you are given some control over your money.Who cares who makes what,more or less as long as you both have something to put aside to do as you please.Since you indicated that you earn more, you should be able to save more.You both could also contribute to a joint savings to allocate the funds for emergencies,vacations ect..that neither of you are allowed to touch till such a need arrises.In a marrage it is a give and take agreement.It can result in resentment when one spouse can do better and dosen't care to try and change the situation for the good of the whole.I don't know your situation,but feel there maybe some resentment lingering in the shadows.It may stem from the traditional rolls men and women have grown accustomed to,or a situation entierly different.With some honest conversation and a get real attitude about your finacial future you should be able to work this out for the beniefit of you both.Good luck to the both of you.

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                        • #13
                          For what it's worth...

                          Have you been married a short time? Maybe a year or so? Reason I ask is because it sounds like you're coming to terms with how to best live together. Everyones situation is different and I know some people cannot get used to the idea of co-mingling funds after first becoming married. It does take a certain amount of trust to be able to do this which of course is a huge part of any marriage. Being newly married, maybe your level of trust isn't there yet? Just guessing.

                          That being said, you might want to have a joint checking account where you each put in the exact same amount each month for household bills to be covered. The amount you both contribute is determined once you know what your outgoing income is monthly. Then you can each have your own separate saving accounts to spend or save as you wish. That way there's no resentment about one contributing more than the other and it allows a certain feeling of independence to have the savings cash on the side. Direct deposit works best but you can of course do it manually.

                          Just an idea...

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                          • #14
                            We're pretty lucky in our relationship as far as money goes. That's something that rarely gets us in arguments. I have a checking account under the business name. My husband pays most of the bills right out of his account. Dining and extras I usually end up paying. Its kind of whoever has the money at the time pays. There's really no mine or his money. I have to say that it either one of us were the kind of people that constantly needed to buy something we would be in trouble, because both of us let each other get what we want.
                            don't find yourself up a creek without a poodle.

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                            • #15
                              Wow, the rolls are reversed with us! If you are married you would think you would put all your money together in one account and just pay them. What you have left over, if anything is both of yours. That is how most couples do it. My husband makes much much more than me but I hope he doesn't feel this way about me!

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