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so this is what's new :( longish

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  • so this is what's new :( longish

    ok, i'm so sad. it looks like i'm surely going to be moving out of cali and possibly even leaving the country. if i leave the country i won't be a groomer anymore except for a few months of the year when i come back to the states.

    last week was my b-day, we got a call around mid afternoon the day before with news that my father-in-law had suddenly passed away! it was already the 4th there so it was on my b-day! that's got to be the worst present i've ever gotten so next month i'm going to surabaya to visit my mother and sisters-in-law. and see if i can 'handle' living there. hubby really really wants to go home to be with mom. problem is we're still processing his green card and if he leaves the country now he can't come back for 10 years! so i'll have to live there for 10 years!

    also, there is a new rabies free law, dogs from the us can't enter indonesia. maybe i can send them to hawaii first then they can go there, but it looks like my babies will have to stay here

    so i have to sell my grooming van, stop my business (it was just getting good) leave my babies, stop grooming (after all these years looking for a career i love) and move to a country where everyone will hate me because i'm american, expect me to be rich and rip-offable because i'm american, i'll need to learn a whole new language, and live with my mil,sil,bil,and niece.

    i'm so very nervous.

  • #2
    Good grief that is a bunch of change all at once! I wish I had some good advice for you, but I wish you the very best!
    Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job. ~Franklin P. Jones


    • #3
      What a b-day present. One you could have done without.

      I don't have any advice for you either. A lot is happening in such a short time.

      I also want to wish you the best in whatever happens.
      "There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."


      • #4
        Wow. I love my hubby, but I think I would get a divorce before I moved to another country where I had to leave my dogs behind. Sorry honey, I love ya, but I love my country and dogs more lol
        If your dog is fat, you are not getting enough exercise!


        • #5
          I am so sorry to hear about this situation you are having. Why doesn't he go for a visit first and check out the situation, before making such a big decision. He is asking a lot of you....just a thought.

          There is a reason why everything happens, you just don't know it yet.

          Good Luck


          • #6
            Why don't the in-laws migrate?

            How many whys? Why would he leave if he can't come back for ten years? If he misses his family so much why doesn't he work and save up and bring them here to visit? Have you checked out the employment laws there? Will you be able to work or will you be serving the family while he works? Do you have two-legged children? If so rent "Not Without My Daughter". Do you plan on having children? If so rent "Not Without My Daughter".
            I have friends who lived in Indonesia for 10 years. They love talking about how wonderful it was. They were ex-pat though so they were very well off. My sister-in-law worked in Indonesia for 6 weeks training reservationists for an airline. She said it was clean, beautiful, and the people were very kind.
            You have the Freedom to not do this here and now. Will you have the Freedom to change your mind and come back from there later.
            I hope you will dig up a lot of info about Women's Rights in Indonesia before you start packing.
            God Bless.


            • #7
              hate to ask this but....

              How long have you been married?
              Did you know this was ever a possibility?

              Boggles my mind.

              If your under 25 and have been married less than two years, I would be
              hard pressed to leave the country for any reason. I just would never anyhow.
              YOur husband has been away from his country for how long?
              They obvously were getting along fine before.
              Can't your bil and sisinlaw and other family members over there help out?
              Sounds like they are all living together anyhow.
              Why is your husband suddenly somebody they can't live without?
              Why did he leave in the first place?
              Sad to say, but nobody lives forever, and he surely had to know this
              situation would come up sooner or later.
              I am uncomforatable just thinking about it for you.


              • #8
                Wow!!! What a terrible situation to be in. I am so sorry for your Father in Law, and especially sorry that it happened on your birthday.

                Surely there has to be some way that your hubby and his family can have a visit w/out having to uproot for 10 yrs. Is there another neutral country or place that you could meet to visit (like Hawaii or Canada or Switzerland?) I don't know anything about this so excuse me if this is an ignorant suggestion. Do you know how long it will take to finish processing his green-card? Maybe w/his Father passing they can expedite it faster.

                If I were you I would be VERY concerned about moving to Indonesia. Make sure you do a lot of research on the countries attitudes and laws towards women and children before you go anywhere. The country that he is from may be very liberal, but you can't help but worry w/all the stories you hear.

                Let us know how things are progressing, I will keep you in my prayers!
                SheilaB from SC


                • #9
                  WOW. I couldn't go. That's too much to ask. How do the vows go?---forsake all others and cling to your spouse? If YOU agree to go, OK, but your husband's first responsibility is to you now, not his family.

                  Was there ever any talk of yall one day moving there anyway? Has the funeral already happened? How can he go home knowing he's stuck there for ten years? I second somebody's advice to rent "Not Without My Daughter"--that'll scare you into staying put!!

                  My husband couldn't make me go if I didn't have a peace about it. But leaving my home, my life, my beloved career, MY DOGS!!!???-----there'd have to be some writing on the wall---even then, Jonah's whale might have to spit me out over there!!

                  Please keep us posted. God bless you in whatever you do.


                  • #10
                    What's a mil, sil, and bil? How long have yall been married?


                    • #11
                      Good that you are planning

                      a visit first to "see if you can handle living there". But I have to side with the person that said I'd get a divorce before I'd leave like that, especially leaving my dogs. Remember in many countries women have NO power and are actually considered "owned" by their husbands. So sorry you have the awful predictament, and unhappy (more than you knew) B'day present.

                      I'm sure a lot of people will answer, but MIL is short for Mother in Law, thus sil and bil are Sister in law ans brother in law.

                      Oh and don't they have dogs that get groomed over there?
                      Money will buy you a pretty good dog but it won't buy the wag of it's tail.


                      • #12
                        Just a minute

                        What about YOUR family?


                        • #13
                          Women's Rights in Indonesia

                          Your post has haunted me today. I did surf a little to check out Women's Rights in Indonesia. It is not good, not good at all. You know how often you see clothes labels from Indonesia. Women work from dawn till dusk for squat and then go home to the full domestic responsibility of their home.
                          You may not be able to leave without your husbands permission. He seems very self-centered, selfish, not appreciative of the hard work that you have done to build your business.
                          What about your family? That was a very good question.
                          I would love to hear that your husband has reconsidered such a move. I will love to hear that he was emotionally devistated that his father had died unexpectedly and that he is not what I described above. I appologize for being judgemental but I still think that the words are not untrue if he does not reconsider moving to Indonesia at this time.
                          God Bless.


                          • #14
                            Do whatever the hell YOU want to do. My family is very close. We all have houses on the same street, less than a mile away from each other. Except for me who has an apartment on the same street. We get together nightly for coffee at my parents house. Because of my partner, I had to move to another state. The first three months were terrible. I spent most of my days crying and sleeping. Its gotten better. It always does, doesnt it? The time away from my family, helped me grow as a person. You dont have to stay there all 10 years, you can leave whenever YOU want. If it doesnt work out, come home. Have you ever been there? Im sure it will be an interesting experience. Maybe you will grow. Maybe you will have fun.

                            I only say this because I assume you love him. I have to assume that if you are even considering it.


                            • #15
                              thank you all for your responses. believe me i've had all those and more thoughts going through my head for the last week!

                              for those that asked i'm 32 and we've been married 4 yrs. no 2 legged children yet.

                              i'm going over next month to stay for 3 weeks. i feel kind of odd being there w/o him and not speaking the language.

                              his mom is retired in her late 60's or so. she has a home based business exporting her handmade dried flowers, it was a hobby of hers that has turned into 18 employees. she needs help with that and her other children are very busy with thier own careers and families. my husband is the only boy, so he's 'the man' of the family now and wants to take care of mom. he's also feeling tons of guilt since he kept telling his dad not to come visit us yet. he wanted to treat them to the whole trip and fun etc. mom was going to come here but i'm going instead.

                              dad was buried the same day he died, but there are 'services' every 10 days for 40 days. i'll be there in time for the last one.

                              i asked him how he would feel if he moved there and his mom passed away very soon. didn't get an answer don't think he's ready to think about that.

                              if we moved there i'd come back for about 4 months out of the year to work and visit my family. the time i'm there i may help out with management of moms business or just do nothing (you only need about $500 a month to live very well) his mom has servants also (most people do, it's very cheap) if i were to groom there i might get $1 or $2 per dog, not worth it. he also let it slip that his mom has a house in jakarta that she will sell then buy us a house in surabaya ( she owns the 2 daughters houses too). i think java is fairly up on womens rights, and if i could ever find the airport i could come home when i want. my mom has made it very clear that she will buy me a ticket if i have no $$.

                              so, it looks like our case (for the green card) has been pushed back again. but he might stay for it. we're still decideing. yeah, i knew this might happen, but i thought it would be from our gov't kicking him out. not a death in the family he hadn't seen his dad in 7 yrs.