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Im not even that brown.

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  • Im not even that brown.

    Im going to vent. Maybe im just PMSing, maybe not... I dont know. This stuff doesnt normally bother me, but today, it does.

    Me and my partner in life went to do our taxes last Saturday, and the girl doing them asked what country I was from. I was like...?!?!? And my partner, a conservative white man, chuckled and said... Oh shes from America. It was funny when the little girl in Arkansas asked me. It was humorous when his mother asked. I was ok when his father asked. I have also managed to brush it off when the dozens of other people have asked. But this time, I was not ok. I was upset the rest of the night. My partner sees me laugh it off so often, that I dont think he understands how irritated I am.

    I often have people come up to me and start talking to me in spanish. They struggle through it, its obvious it is not their first language. Its not my first language either. I let them finish, then I tell them I'm sorry but I dont understand. They say something like... Oh you speak english! I can understand they were trying to make things easier for me, but its still irritating.

    On my drive up here, we stopped at a Hardees in Georgia for lunch. Everyone stopped eating when I walked in. One man even looked at me and threw his burger down. When they realized we werent going anywhere until we finished our burgers, most continued to eat. Except that man of course. Yeah, dont eat your burger, that'll show me.

    That obvious racism didnt upset me at all, why does everything else!? Should I be upset at all? I am very light skinned, I have my picture in my profile. I didnt even realize I looked mexican. I dont have anyone else to vent too, im sorry if this was long. Any advice is appreciated.


  • #2
    People are just jealous of you because you are an attractive young lady.
    I got "looked at" all the time before I lost 85 pounds. Poeple were rude and I felt like I was invisible. Now, I get compliments and get doors opened for me and all that stuff. Society sucks sometimes. I just dealt with it and moved on.
    Just come here and vent, we'll listen )


    • #3
      People can be dumb sometimes. I will tell you a funny story though. When I met my husband, we were friends for 2 years before we started dating. It wasn't till then when I really got to know him. We went on our first date and we hit it off immediately we were inseparable from then on. A couple of weeks go by and he ask me to meet his parents. So I am nervous about this he tells me they are very conservative and not very humorous type of people. When we pull up to this lavish house I am even more nervous. But we go inside and his dad greets me with a strong spanish accent and I am thinking oh he must be half hispanic, then his mom with light brown hair has the accent too. So I am really wondering this whole time I am there. We finally get out of there his parents are awsome by the way, but as soon as we are in the car I ask him "So what are you" He is like huh? I say I thought you were white! He laughs at me and says he is cuban full blooded cuban. I didn't even know! He does have very white skin black hair and brown eyes. Our daughter has beautiful blue eyes.
      Anyways we always laugh about that his I hope I didn't look too surprised when his parents were introduced to me.
      You just have to understand people are ignorant about race. For instance when I see some one of asian decent I don't know if they are Japanese, Chinese or what. So I will ask. Just like I asked my husband what he was. I wouldn't take offense too it. America is one big melting pot of cultures.


      • #4
        From your picture you don't look Mexican. Well to me at least. My sister gets mistaken for Mexican all the time. When I decide to tan, so do I. We come from a strong Italian line. I didn't know Italians looked Mexican, but I guess we do.

        Other people are just morons.... If you're not ultra Caucasian they don't like you. It's their loss in the end, they are missing out on some really interesting and delightful people.

        I have people try to make racists jokes to me all the time. Then they ask me questions when I don't laugh. Maybe because it's not funny or maybe it's because my step-dad is black. I'm not sure. Some peoples heads are so far up their backside that they don't realize it's 2000 whatever and that people don't fly that way anymore except the KKK. Which is one breed I wouldn't mind seeing exterminated.


        • #5
          Sio - you are GORGEOUS! It doesn't matter what race any of us are, racism in my opinion is ALWAYS uncalled for. It's ignorant and to me shows just how uneducated some people are.

          My husband & I are an interracial couple, so I totally understand your frustration. Even our 3 kids have to deal with racial comments continuously at school. I think some people will pick at other people's differences no matter what they are. It's unreasonable and completely not fair, but it unfortunately is reality. We tell our children to be proud of who they are. If they were too short, they'd get picked on, if they were too tall, they'd be called names, if they were too fat or thin, still more names and taunting and so on and so on - there are some mean & horriblely relentless people in this world and the best way to beat them at their game is to not play it.

          When our family walks into a restaurant you can believe there are stares and sometimes I wanna shake everyone in the room when they all stop what they're doing just to gawk and then whisper to one another. But I can act above it too. When I stop and think of their lack of sensitivity and respect, I tend to feel sorry for them. Their ignorance is hurting them more than me.

          In such a case when my husband is asked where he's from or if he's even a US citizen, we simply state the facts. It's their right to ask, we can respond how we want. We confidently, politely and proudly state only the facts. Sometimes it can lead into a meaningful conversation and other times it just satisies someone's curiosity. Ignorance at most levels is irritating, and most of us deal with it in one way or another. Tomorrow is a new day, feel better Sio and try not to let it bother you anymore. Sending hugs your way!


          • #6
            I have to reply to this because we (my family) were just discussing it yesterday (Easter). My sister is Irish/English her husband is Italian/Eng., they have three daughters. The first and third are very fair skinned, blue eyed and light haired. The second daughter (who is in college) has dark brown hair, brown eyes and slightly darker (more olive) skin. She is frequently assumed to be Spanish, and people have even spoken to her in Spanish assuming it's her native tongue. She doesn't speak Spanish.

            Interesting subject. I'm very disapointed that some people make you feel bad, I don't think that's ever happened to my niece. Small minds.


            • #7
              This is going to sound a lot more blunt than I intend it, I'm sure. But you really have two choices; you get over it or you die with it.

              Everyone has to deal with ignorant people, prejudice people, bigots and their ilk. What can you do? You either let them get to you, which is giving them way more control over your life than they deserve, and it eats at you until the day you die, or you get over it.

              And it's not just race. It's gender, it's sexism, it's gay, it's straight, it's old money, it's new money, it's lefties or righties, cats or dogs, kids or no kids, working moms or stay at home moms. Everyone seems to find someone to look down their nose at, and everyone will find themselves on the wrong end of someone elses nose.

              You take every opportunity that you can to show people you're bigger than their prejudice, their bigotry, their ignorance. Or you die with it. Your choice.


              • #8
                hi sio, i guess it happens all the time to most people when i first started dating my husband and we would go out sometimes i would bump into some friends they would say hi and then they would call me and ask me why are you going out with a white guy(i'm mexican)i would say because he is nice to me and my son,and that was it then one day i took him to a family birthday party and being mexican the whole family was there i started introducing him and everybody would speak english to him then one of my cousins says so why are you dating the whiteboy in spanish and he responds i'm not white i know i look like one but i'm cuban and please dont ever call me whiteboy again (in spanish) and started laughing we all laughed too,then they asked me why did'nt you tell us he was cuban and that he spoke spanish,i said because it does not matter to me where he's from or what he is the only thing i care about is that he treats my son and i with love and respect,and that was that; now everybody loves him,he is the life of our parties he makes everybody laugh, once in a while he asks my cousin if she remembers the first time they met him and she just the point of my story is that we all deal with things like that everyday regardless of the color of your skin,so when they stare at you just brush it off and smile.


                • #9
                  Try to blow it off.

                  As a person who has been angry for many years. (I'm working on it)
                  I used to not care what I said to people. Who I hurt, offended etc...

                  Maybe she hates her job. Maybe she's going thru a rough spot in a relationship. Maybe she thought your man was hot & decided to ruffle your feathers. Who knows.

                  I'm a few years older than my husband, & many times I've got the "what is he doing with you?!" look.

                  People judge others for many reasons. You included.
                  Try to blow it off. I know it's easier some days than others.

                  Hope this helps.


                  • #10
                    Sio, maybe that tax gal was just asking what country your from out of curiosity (where is spell check when you need it?! I can't seem to spell anything tonight). Maybe to her your skin looked a little darker, maybe your features looked a little more like Mexican, Spanish, whatever. Don't take it to heart, don't stew over it.

                    I spent some time in Korea and I couldn't tell the Koreans apart from the Japenese or the Chinese. When I saw a white person I naturally thought they were American. I even started talking to a white person in English and she looked at me and in broken English told me she was German!!!!

                    America is a melting pot for many different nationalities, we don't all look a like, thank goodness.
                    "There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."


                    • #11
                      You all are right

                      People judge for almost anything. It seems to bring humans up to look down. Not healthy but very universal. But SiotehCat maybe I missed something, it sounds like a low brained person just asking what country you were from. Someone who hasn't been taught properly what to ask. I like your partners response and that took care of that. Of course I'm not able to get vocal reflections via the written worded question.

                      I learned sort of the hard way to not say something in Spanish to a person who appears they might speak Spanish. Found out much better to speak in English and see how they respond, rather than speaking Spanish to someone from say Armenia.

                      And prejudice, wow, I'm older, wow, I must not have much value at all via some young people, lol.
                      Money will buy you a pretty good dog but it won't buy the wag of it's tail.


                      • #12
                        hmmm..... i'd say you look more indian than mexican.

                        i work with a girl that is el salvadorian, and multiple times people have come in and said hello or smth to here in philipino language. she just looks at them like they're the dumbest people around.

                        i'm very white, irish german and my husband is indonesian and about 6 yrs older than me, the other day i went to a grooming appt and the lady asked me where my son was.

                        i have a customer from the phillipines who when she met my husband asked if he was thai, and my thai cooking teacher asked if he was philipino. there are a few ways to tell asians apart, but there are always exceptions. and my husband being from a country with native indos, chinese-indos, japanese, indian, dutch, blacks etc. can't tell one from the other, so always asks where someone is from cause in his case you never know who is going to speak your language.

                        sometimes people just want to know. if it's impolite to ask someones race how can you find out if they're the same race as you? you didn't say, but maybe the tax girl was from another country and wanted to know if you were from the same country so you could talk about home?

                        so if they're rude, make them feel dumb, if they're being nice they're probably just curious.

                        btw having said how white i am, white people ask me what i am too.


                        • #13
                          My boss is from the Phillipines (though she was really raised here since being a baby, so definitely American) people come in all the time and ask where the Chinese girl is, lol. One of my coworkers is white, but tans in the summer, and becomes very dark. People are always assuming that they are mother and daughter. They look absolutely nothing alike other than dark hair and olive skin, (really their skin tones are different too, lol) So it just goes to show you that people are pretty oblivious when it comes to stuff like this, and unfortunately they are pretty blunt about it. I definitely hope that this is something that you can get past, though I can understand how frustrating it is!
                          Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job. ~Franklin P. Jones


                          • #14
                            I have a close friend who is assumed to be African American by everyone who doesn't know him well. He tells them that first of all, he's an American. He's not from Africa, has never been to Africa. His parents are not from Africa, nor were his grandparents. None of his ancestors were African. He's Maori. His ancestors were from New Zeeland. But he is an American.


                            • #15
                              okay two things:-)

                              1. I am Greek,Greek, Greek and I don't look it all. There must have been a milk-man somewhere in my blood lines. My son- Olive skin, everything. Me- Fair skin and burn easily.

                              2. My hubby is a cop and on their NEW forms there are only two boxes under race: White and Other. At first I was bothered by this and then I started thinking.. it just shows you our race dividers are becoming smaller and smaller.