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  • Problem with Neighbor

    Okay folks, I need your help. I moved into a new neighborhood about 6 months ago. I have been good friends with my neighbor, going shopping, over to each others house for dinner, watching each others kids, etc...

    Well, come to find out, as my husbands and I are planting shrubs on Sunday, her daughter is having a birthday party and we get to watch the other kids arrive. My neighbor had mentioned the week before, when we were at her house for dinner, specifically that her daughter would not be having a party b/c they would be going away for Easter and they didn't want the hassle.

    My daughter, meanwhile figures things out and starts to cry. We comforted her and just explained that sometimes these things happen and that we felt bad too. Now there was no fight between the girls that I know of---good grief they are only 5 (soon to be 6) and now 7.

    I just can't believe that this happened. If she wasn't going to be invited, then the least they could have done is give us a heads up and we could have kept our daughter from seeing this happen. To be honest, I feel betrayed as well. I mean we even ran into her husband and daughter that day at Lowes while buying the plants and they came up to us!

    She has not called me and I have given the obvious cold shoulder when I have seen her at the bus stop. I think its up to her to talk to me and at least explain.

    So I need feedback.

  • #2
    For what ever reason I would leave it alone, be the bigger person an invite their kid to your kids party. Maybe they had their family over only, maybe they could not afford to invite the whole neighborhood so to speak. Maybe they are only your friend when they need something. Who knows it is not important. If she is still talking to you, and wanting to be your friend then don't worry about this. Just be her friend if you want to. If you don't want to be her friend then just say hi when you see her or a neighborly wave or nod.

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    • #3
      Are you sure it wasn't a family only party???

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      • #4
        Luvkitties,
        I'm sorry your neighbor snubbed you like that. Ouch! I feel the sting, too. I've had great neighbors, awful neighbors and everything in between. I would just ignore it, smile and wave across the driveway. No matter what happens, you will probably be living next to eachother for a while.

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        • #5
          Shoot I deleted my post.

          No they don't have any family in the state. I knew two of the little girls going into the party.

          I guess what floors me is that my neighbor has confided in me a lot! She has expressed over and over how great it is to have a family with kids next door. (I have 3, her daughter is their only one.) Plus their daughter has no cousins or family her age on either sides of their family.

          So I actually have gone a little above and beyond to make sure that this little girl comes over for movie nights, sleep overs, parties and regular playing.

          What it comes down to is, you hurt my child, you hurt me ten times worse. I am a very black and white personality, I don't give a lot of second chances, my family can attest to that. (But I am trying to work on this flaw!) Kids forget quickly and move on.

          I guess I need to as well.

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          • #6
            I never socialized with my neighbors for several reasons. One, most people will bug you to death about things, stick their noses where they don't belong, borrow things, never return them..not to mention ..uh stab you in the back. I would forget about it, and keep my distance from them if I were you. If thats what they consider being a friend..."hike" on that! lol let her keep her "confessions" to herself. If she happens to ask you about why the change, then mention what you just posted. Speak the truth, straight up and nothing more..then be done.

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            • #7
              I feel the same way when someone hurts my kids. I would be smokin mad! BUT is it possible she sent an invitation and it got lost? If not I would never talk to her again, because if I did it probably wouldn't be pretty............................................ .

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              • #8
                In our old neighborhood our neighbors (we were in town houses, and this was the house right next door) had a HUGE party, and invited practically the whole court...except us. They were nice enough people, but didn't like that when they were all out there drinking beer, and talking on the porch every other night we were in, lol. I mean, I guess they thought this wasn't our type of party, which is fine, because it wasn't, but still to watch allll of the other neighbors out there and us not to even be invited stung a little.

                So I know partially where you are coming from, though it sounds like these people really tried to be friends with you, and that hurts when they snub ya. Especially your kids! I can understand that you can be particularly hurt because of that!

                I don't like it when I feel like I am being snubbed, so if it were me I would probably seek them out, and try to see what happened. Either way though, I wish you luck with the situation. Having hard feelings between neighbors can be tough to live with.
                Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job. ~Franklin P. Jones

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                • #9
                  It hurts to be snubbed...

                  Over a year ago I was standing next to my friend Holly before service when Christine was leaving from the 9:30 service. Right in front of me she gives Holly directions and time to her house for the next saturday, like I wasn't there! I got upset and it ruined my experience that Sunday. Turns out it was one of those kitchen utensil parties with overpriced kitchen stuff. I would be working anyway. still, she could have askeds instead of assuming I would be grooming. I think some people just don't have good social skills and have NO clue they are hurting someones' feelings. I never said anything to Christine, and I got over it. I am sure Christine would not hurt me deliberately. Maybe you could say your child was hurt and get an explanation.The other non-relative kids make it seem odd yours was excluded. I don't get it. Give the kid a little gift...that would make em feel guilty. I am curious to know WHY?It would be a shame for the girls to loose out on a friendship because of ignorant parent.

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                  • #10
                    Have to agree with Hairdevil. I would ignore her from now on....

                    By the way you have more than one husband? I can't deal with 1 most of time! But it would be nice having them help around the house. (LOL)

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                    • #11
                      Neighbor

                      It must have hurt you so much to see your daughter left out. Don't understand why people do the things they do. I would never leave a child out of a party. You will look at this neighbor differently now. I would leave it up to the girls as they will probably still be friends. Just remember to invite her daughter for your daughter's birthday party.

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                      • #12
                        Maybe there was a miscommunication some how and they assumed you couldn't or didn't want to come? They could possibly even think that you were invited and snubbed them. I don't know this is a sticky and hurtful situation. Is there some way you could bring it up w/out sounding needy? Probably not. If it were me I think I would let it go for now and continue being the friendly neighbor in a more "hands off" way. Next time your kid has a party invite them and see what happens. Who knows it could just all be a bit misunderstanding and you will laugh about it later.
                        SheilaB from SC

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                        • #13
                          PetsRus--No, I only have one husband, thank god---could never have more than one. Sorry if my post was confusing.


                          Thanks for all the posts, sometimes it nice to get validation over these type of situations.

                          I probably will never know the reason and obviously if my neighbor was at all concered about our friendship, she would have come over to explain by now.

                          Oh well, its really her loss. We have lots of family and friends, they don't.

                          By the way, her daughter came over yesterday to play with my daughter---that's kids.

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                          • #14
                            More than one husband could be it..LOL
                            If you were friends, she confided in u etc. invite her over and just ask. Why?

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                            • #15
                              I've been in similar situation. One of my best friends has two daughters the same ages as mine. The girls have been friends their whole lives and have usually been included in each others partys etc. A few years ago they planned a snowboarding trip and a few weeks before their younger one told my younger daughter that she was going to invite her. My daughter told me about it and I told her not to get too excited until the other girls mother actually called me to invite her. So time goes by and no call. Still my daughter thinks she is going snowboarding. A few days before the trip the mom calls me and proceeds to tell me about the upcomming trip and says her older daughter wants to invite my older daughter to go. No mention of the younger ones. The day of the trip I drove my older daughter and her gear to their house and their younger daughter had another friend with her. I was mad and tried not to show it. They were completely clueless that their younger daughter had ever even invited my younger daughter. A while later I was talking to the mom and she casually mentioned the trip and said something about maybe next time when her younger daughter gets better at snowboarding my younger daughter (who is a really good snowboarder) could go. Apparently she felt they would not pair up well since their skill levels were so far apart. It made some sense from an adult standpoint but didn't make my daughter feel any better. This actually has happened several more times with the two younger girls. The other girl mentions the possibility of going somewhere to my daughter and eventually invites someone else. My daughter used to always get upset. Now she laughs when she tells me that her so called friend is going to take her on a family trip. I say "yeah, right!" and she says "I know, don't hold my breath!" So anyway, maybe the parent has a reason that she didn't invite your daughter. Maybe her daughter was mad at your daughter that day and had a hissy fit until her mom agreed to leave your daughter off the invite list. Personally, I would never have left a neighbors child off a party list if the kids were friends. Just for that reason. Especially kids that small. If she had a reason she should have called you beforehand to let you know.

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