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The nicer you are, the worse people treat you. (long sorry)

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  • The nicer you are, the worse people treat you. (long sorry)

    "Pearls of Wisdom" and I learned this lesson the
    hard way as did you.

    **The nicer you are, the worse people treat you**

    I find this sad, but true.

    This is the comment that wet noze made in another thread and it got me thinking about a situation that I have had in the past.
    I would like to know how other people would have dealt with this situation and if I was in the wrong with the way I dealt with it.
    I started my moblie business several months ago and I have groomed this particular dog on several occasions. The owners called and left a message on my phone stating that due to some finacial issues they needed to cancel their appt. and they would call back later to reschedule. So knowing this person and how I thought they liked to keep their dog looking good I dedcided to call this person after 1 week went by and left a message offering to groom their dog now and they could pay me when I came back to groom their dog next time. I also asked for them to call me back and tell me if they would be interested in this. So I never heard anything so the next day I called them 3-4 times and didn't leave a message because I hate leaving messages but I finally called them and left 1 message stating that I had some new people wanting to schedule appts. but I would like to schedule them first if they were interested since they were existing customers. Well this went on for a two more days and I finally left a message saying that I would no longer be trying to contact them about my offer because noone will return my calls. The next day I get a letter in the mail stating that the message the owner left said that they would call me and it required no return call on my part. Yet they have gotten and excessive amount of phone calls from me (keep in mind I only left 4 messages but I did call them more than that because I hate to leave messages and I didn't think about caller id but it is not like I called 20 times or something like maybe 4 times a day total between clients) and that it was not needed and that they would no longer be using my services.
    I was just amazed at this response since all I was trying to do was help them out. It defintely wasn't helping me out but I know how much this person likes her dog to look good and I wanted to be the best groomer I could be for her. So I went out of my way to offer my services with no financial gain on my part for at least 6 weeks after this groom. This really hurt my feelings and I still don't think I did anything wrong but maybe I did. I truly was just trying to be nice. Its amazing to me that all of this could have been avoided if they had just returned my call and not ignored them. If they weren't interested that is all they had to say and they would have been the end of it, but I guess that was too much to ask. Please respond.

  • #2
    it sounded like you were begging for business to them probably. Don't worry, you will be busy enough. If they need you they will call. Most people are just very very busy with their lives. The more you bugged them, the more aggravated they got Im sure. One phone call would have been sufficient I believe. Just take it with a grain of salt lol Be nice, provide great service, it will work out!!


    • #3
      This is sad. I don't think you were wrong. I know in your heart you were trying to help them out. I don't know if I would have called as much though. But I still dont think you were wrong. How could they not know how much you really cared? It's too bad when you go out of your way to help someone and they act like that.


      • #4
        I think sometimes when people cancel and say 'I'll call you later', it means they are no longer interested in your service. Mobile isn't for everyone. They may have found it just too expensive and didn't want to hurt your feelings by saying so. Don't think I would've called back at all, and I would not have offered to groom the dog as you did. You'll be busy enough before long. Do keep being nice to people. Treat them as you would want to be treated. Pays big dividends down the road.
        Old groomers never die, they just go at a slower clip.

        Groom on!!!


        • #5
          One thing I have learned is that sometimes when people say that, they really mean 'we found another groomer'. I have found out that some people that I have groomed for called up with reasons to cancel and then later found out they have been taking their dog to a shop - perhaps they like the groomer better, the grooming itself or the prices are a lot cheaper. Or sometimes they really are going through hard times. Either way, I do not call them and when they call me back (they often do later on anyway) I book them again.

          The reason why these people may have been annoyed at you is because they may really be going through hard times. They don't want to 'owe' you anything and when they said they will call you they meant it. By you calling them may have made them uncomfortable with the idea that you are grooming for them out of pity and in the end they will still have to cough up the money they told you they didn't have in the first place.

          The other reason is it was an excuse. They found another groomer who was cheaper or they liked better or whatever. They didn't want to say that to you so they use the excuse they are having financial problems. Then you call them and offer services now and payments a credit card. Their letter could have been what they felt they needed to get out of their future appointments.

          I have had people call me and cancel future appts as I mentioned. One woman really did have a financial problem and about six mos later her dog was back on schedule. He was a matted mess when I saw him a half a year later but her reasons for canceling me had to do with paying for her grandchilds college (which she did not plan on) and her renters moving out suddenly.

          Then another woman of whom dog I groom called up to cancel saying her dog was sick bla bla bla. I find out later she was taking her dog to a shop instead. I don't know what the reason is but I never called her again.

          So while I realize you were trying to help sometimes just take the customer at their word and let them go. If they call you back when things are better thats great. If not, so be it.


          • #6
            I do think you were a little excessive about the calls. One call and one offer. Don't expect a call back. When they called the first time it may have been an excuse to you that they found another groomer. People like that dont sound as if it was a financial issue. If it were they would have took your offer. Also in the future don't make offers to collect money at a later date unless you know the people plenty well. Im talkin' a year or more. Don't be hurt. Dogs come and go and there are plenty of Fidos for us all to groom.
            Stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of mental illness.- Richard Carlson


            • #7
              I have been there n done this and I felt the same way as you.It isn't you or up to you,sometimes you have to accept that you are not in control of a situation,know matter how good your intentions are.People are people and you do not know what maybe going on in their life and they choose not to share it w /you.They may have suffered a loss in the family,you don't know,give them space,they will or not call you in time.By all means go about your business,you went well out of your way to make contact;It's now up to them.In this business we all become attatched to the pets in our care and to the owners,esp. the ones we really like.Keep your chin up as I am sure something has happened.Good luck


              • #8
                In regards to your quoted statement, "the nicer you are, the worse people treat you", I believe that it can be very true.

                "Nice" people can be targets for those not-so-nice ones. "Nice people try hard to please others and can be taken advantage of.

                There is another saying, "give them an inch and they take a mile", provides credance to your statement. People in general, will utilize available resources to meet their needs. If they NEED to have their dog groomed and your a nice person, they will try to manipulate you to meet there NEED! Whether it is price, date, style, etc, their goal is to meet their immediate need. Granted, not every body is this way, but you will run across a few that ALWAYS try to work you.

                Your situation, while you were trying to be nice, may have came across as being pushy and your attempts at trying to provide great customer service with your genuine concern for them and their dog, came back in your face.
                Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back up on the horse. You'll be turning clients away before long and you'll be wondering how your going to find time to call back clients that WANT grooming


                • #9

                  Im sorry, but I think you went way overboard with the phone calls. They did say they would call YOU. One message with your offer would have been appropriate.


                  • #10
                    I think the phone calls were a little much too. Perhaps taking you up on your generous offer would make them uncomfortable & they didn't feel the need to explain their financial position to you any further. I think your offer was kind & done in good spirit, but I think I'd be a little peeved if a service provider called me repeatedly too.


                    • #11
                      Not trying to offend you, but they did say that they were having financial problems. Your offer to groom now and them pay you at the next groom sounds like you completely disregarded their situation. Financial problems rarely means that money is simply tight this week, but the situation itself overall is that money has become tight. Then to call so many more times would really irritate me. You don't have to leave a message now days for someone to know you called. Caller ID will tell them just how many times you called whether or not you left a message.

                      We are a business. A business where it is the clients choice whether or not to use our services regardless of their reasons. We need to respect the client just as much as we want them to respect us and sometimes more so.

                      I have had people call me and tell me the same thing. Fact is, a LOT of people are having financial problems. I do understand that. I call them back, tell them that I am sorry to hear things are not going well, assure them that I completely understand and that when they are ready, they are more than welcome to call me again. I even offer to give the grooming instructions for their pet to their new groomer if they would like to have the new groomer give me a call. (I am sincere about it too.) The well being of the pet is my priority. If they can no longer afford mobile, I understand. I would rather see them continue to get what they are used to even when switching to a shop groomer than to have the pet go through the trial and error part first. Believe me, when the client can afford mobile again, they do come back. Even if they can't afford you, by being kind and understanding, they gladly continue to refer friends that can afford you.


                      • #12
                        I am one of those that is uncomfortable seeing someone's name on my caller ID several times in one day. I would have felt that was excessive.

                        Like someone else said, "one call, one offer." They may have been too uncomfortable to be honest about what they wanted with regards to grooming (like maybe they found another groomer/shop) or they didn't want to go into detail about their financial situation, etc...

                        It is not your job to be "nice," it is your job to be professional and polite. Don't get me wrong, you do have to be nice, but when I say that I mean polite.

                        Don't worry, call it a lesson learned and accept people's reasoning when they give it to you. It's hard to tell what is going on behind the kind words in their mouths.

                        Tammy in Utah
                        Groomers Helper Affiliate


                        • #13
                          I get alot of people telling me they don't have the money to get thier dog done. I really am shocked that they actually tell me this. I for one would never tell anyone that I didn't have the money, I just wouldn't make the appointment. At least they do call and are honest because I feel that alot of no shows are the ones that just don't have the money, but like I said if I didn't think I could afford something I wouldn't make an appointment.

                          Back to this thread... I think that the phone calls were way too much too. If someone kept calling me like that I would think, what!?! they won't take no for an answer. I would have got irritated real easy. I don't think I would have sent a letter though, but I would have called that person back and told them no again and that I would call them when I needed them.

                          Similar to the title of this thread, keep in mind that when people think your slow and looking for business they will just say oh heck I can call her anytime and she will take me. BUT when they think you are booked for a month they want in and will bend over backwards to get an appointment.


                          • #14
                            i dont know about anyone else's caller id...but whenever a number is calling repeatedly it just shows up the last time it called at. its not like a cell phone where it log's each and every time the person calls and i can have 3 or 4 missed calls from one person. also...i am a nice person. sometimes it works to my advantage and other times its a huge disadvantage. im also a non confrontaional person. this basically by being a nice person and being non confrontational got me screwed over by my last boss. she took advantage of me and because i was to afraid to speak up to her and say HEY! you said you'd teach me to groom now comeon its been 7 months already! TEACH ME! i didnt...i didnt want to tick her off and loose my job. i ended up loosing it anyways because she obviously felt she could find someone better. well now IM better off by NOT working for her and working for a grocery store because i am making ALOT more money weekly than i was with her! (40 To 80 a week with about 4 to 5 8 to 10 hr days a week. granted i wasnt always bathing but it was also alot of sitting around waiting for dogs to come in for their appointments) versus making 120 weekly, i work about 5 days a week, and the days are varied between 4 hr shifts and 6 hr shifts and i am ALWAYS working and NOT sitting around. being a nice person means you get taken advantage of by con artist people! she told me she couldnt pay me for grooming some of the dogs...i said fine...well that screwed me out of having at least 40 percent of bbt dogs that i did for her FOR FREE, doing a full coated collie at least 3 or 4 times that i could have gotten about 30 dollars for EACH time, AND doing a great pyr at LEAST 3 times that i could have gotten at LEAST 40 to 45 dollars for. that would have made a HUGE diffrence to me...WHILE she charged the owners full price, kept all the money for doing 3 dogs while she only brushed out 2, and some of the bbts, i did while she sat on her butt at the desk because SHE didnt feel like doing the dogs!
                            well...chalk it up to this.
                            I learned MY lesson VERY well.
                            as for your might have called way to many times for their comfort zone, they really might have had a serious financial problem and didnt feel comfortable elaberating on it, and your ill groom now you pay later theory while in an honest attempt to help them out, might have seriously offended them.


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by HoundLover View Post
                              i dont know about anyone else's caller id...but whenever a number is calling repeatedly it just shows up the last time it called at. its not like a cell phone where it log's each and every time the person calls and i can have 3 or 4 missed calls from one person.
                              I think it just depends on the phone they are not all he same. I thought about this too, my new cordless phone's do this but my older ones don't they log each call no matter how many times the person calls. Both of my corded phones new & old log each call no matter how many times they call also.