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  • Hairdresser licensing regulations abuse recognition

    "A new state rule taking effect on Jan. 1 recognizes that the unique relationship between hairdressers and their customers may help curb domestic abuse and sexual assault. The amendment to a law that governs the cosmetology industry will require salon workers to take one hour of training every two years to recognize the signs of abuse and assault and will provide them with a list of resources to which they can refer clients for help."

    This is an example of one reason I don't want licensing for pet groomers. As a human, of course I want to help abused animals who might cross my path, and if I were a hair stylist, I'd want to help abused women. I just don't think that the training they're talking about has anything to do with what you must know to be a stylist. Licensing is for stylist skills, not social work skills. If you're going to be tested on social work skills, that's another profession.

    http://www.nytimes.com/2016/12/16/us...le-span-region

  • #2
    Boy, I agree with you 100%. I think that any women who is abused already knows that one phone call to the police will end it, but they don't, they continue to live with the scum bag. I'm not sure that someone working on their hair will change things, plus, most of us wouldl automatically try to help, without having to go to class. Wonder who is suppose to pay for this one hour training?

    Happy kicking out the scum bags

    Dolly's Barking Bubbles, LLC

    www.dollysbarkingbubbles.com

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    • #3
      Oh he££, everytime you go to the Dr they want to know if you feel safe in your home, blah blah. I think it is BULL SH#@!
      Ain't always easy to stand up for what is right.

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      • #4
        It's definitely NOT BS. If you know ANYTHING about abuse you will know how hard it is to get help, to feel safe to mention your situation, to have someone say "me too...here's a phone number. "

        "One phone call to the police" does NOT end it. It's often the start to even MORE abuse. "Just Leaving" is not as easy as it sounds. The majority of abuse victims are murdered at work. Their abuser knows they can be found there. The abuser may not know where their victim lives at the moment but they do know where they work.

        And if children are involved it makes the whole situation triply difficult.

        I hate the glib attitude of "kicking out the scum bags". It's not that easy and it can cost you your life.

        Just last year we had a client that was murdered by her boyfriend. You would have never known she was in such trouble. She was always happy and cheerful when dropping off her dog. Perhaps the added time that she would be in a hairstylist chair would have given her time to mention what was going on.

        And this isn't an isolated case. I have known at least 10 cases where women were killed trying to leave their abusers. And this doesn't included the women I've talked to who did manage to make it out alive....but just barely.

        And if you think it's "easy" for a woman to walk out, try being a man that is being abused!! It's almost impossible.

        Perhaps you all should read some books like "Why doesn't she just leave", or volunteer at a battered woman's shelter. It will change your tune.

        I, for one, have no problem with someone asking if "everything is alright". If it saves one persons life it is worth it!

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        • #5
          OK no matter which side you take, please express yourselves more kindly. I must say on this my brother was a social worker many years and a call to the police is rarely anything more than a momentary settlement, depending upon emotional and if there is substance abuse factors anytime he or she does that, it starts again. It isn't easy to separate yourself from these type of abusers at all. Most of them cannot leave and many times can only get a day of shelter help...there are waiting lists for even 2 years to get a low income apartment for separations. He works on these cases every day and the abusers keep coming back and back and back, and the police cannot be there every time on time. They track them down even, that is one of the main reasons for PRIVATE MAILBOXES at places like the The UPS Store so you can get mail without the attacker being able to track them down to a public address like an apartment or house. His phone rings and rings from scared women with kids, and they do get tracked down and beaten, and run off even if they go to a relative or friend. It's not a rare thing unfortunately.

          Anyway, be kind on the board. Thanks.
          Most questions regarding GroomerTALK are answered in the Board Help Talk Forum. Thanks for coming to our community a part of PetGroomer.com https://www.petgroomer.com.

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          • #6
            dogma gets it. I don't know what the answer is with regard to regulations, and I'm glad I'm not Empress to decide, but it is certainly a lot more complicated than a call to police to end it. The most dangerous time in an abuse victim's life is often the point at which they try to "do something" like escape. It is also often the case that calling the police is the least safe thing to do for a variety of reasons.

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            • #7
              Thank you, dogma! I watched my own mother in an abusive relationship for close to 10 years. Her boyfriend choked me one time for letting her know she had a phone call when he was trying to sleep. It's not a simple phone call to get out. My mom wasn't allowed to have her grandson for sleepovers or visits at her house. She missed out on a lot of things. She knew she had to leave. She couldn't. When someone is threatening your life, your kids life, your grandkids life, telling you how worthless you are and that's why your first husband left and your kids don't visit, breaking your things, etc it destroys you as a person.
              My mom eventually had the chance to leave, because she was coming to be with me when my daughter was born. She packed up her things (and subsequently lost them all in a storage unit) and came for a "visit" She got a restraining order, changed her mailing address. This ONLY worked because her BF didn't have a car or driver's license. He was a raging alcoholic. Honestly, I hope he's dead in a ditch somewhere.

              Sent from my Nexus 6 using Tapatalk

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              • #8
                Oh I "get" it alright. And I know there are many abused woman or elderly out there and I am also aware that one phone call to the police isn't all it takes. Most abusers threaten lives if anyone tells on them. My point was it shouldn't be a everytime you go to a Dr something they question (I am talking simple yearly visits, not broken bones or strange bruises) nor should it be a hairdressers job to take on. I think most of us would help someone if they confided in us (but at a danger to ourselves in doing so).
                So plz don't miss understand that I don't think there are abused ppl out there nor do I think they can simply just leave the situation.
                Cyn
                Best in Show Member & Club 10,000
                Last edited by Cyn; 12-17-16, 02:46 PM. Reason: Took out a , and added a )
                Ain't always easy to stand up for what is right.

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                • #9
                  My Dad has been in & out of the hospital the last few months, plus I hv attended several Dr. appts w/ both my parents. During registration at the hospital or pre-appt with the nurses, the question is asked if either of my parents feel safe in the home. I think it's great they are asking. IMO they need to take it a step further and ask anyone but the patient to leave the room when this question is asked. The abuser could be in the room w/ the patient. I do agree with your opinion Cyn that many people who are being abused are being threatened but just maybe if this question is being asked when they are away from their abusers may give them the courage to speak up if the question is asked.


                  Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by cmf07 View Post
                    My Dad has been in & out of the hospital the last few months, plus I hv attended several Dr. appts w/ both my parents. During registration at the hospital or pre-appt with the nurses, the question is asked if either of my parents feel safe in the home. I think it's great they are asking. IMO they need to take it a step further and ask anyone but the patient to leave the room when this question is asked. The abuser could be in the room w/ the patient. I do agree with your opinion Cyn that many people who are being abused are being threatened but just maybe if this question is being asked when they are away from their abusers may give them the courage to speak up if the question is asked.


                    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
                    Maybe so CMF, if abuser is out of earshot they MIGHT have the courage to speak up. But as you said that dosent seem to be the protocol drs follow......they don't care who is in the room.
                    .....really it is making it mandatory for hairdressers that bothers me. But if it would save lives.....then by all means make it a law.
                    Ain't always easy to stand up for what is right.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      One reason a woman may feel safe sharing with her stylist is she doesn't view the stylist as a social worker or as an extension of the police. That said, my complaint is just that licensing is for skills required to do a certain job. It's not for other skills that may be in general helpful.

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                      • #12
                        A one hour course taken by a dog groomer isn't going to help any situation of abuse. Life is all about choices,.....people are always pointing the finger at someone else for their own situation.....start pointing it at yourself. Most scum bags don't just "happen" one day.........they showed their scum bag tactics, way before the abuse starts. Women should leave at the first sign of it, but they don't, they think that it won't happen again, or they will change him. Then women have children by the scum bag........choices you guys, it's all about choices.

                        Step one...call the police (this will give you a record of his abuse)

                        Step two... get a restraining order (another form for the record)

                        Step Three....start packing a gun to protect yourself (If he comes after you, you can protect yourself....you have a past history on record (step 1-2))

                        Step Four...MOVE OUT (no excuses about how you can't move.....MOVE OUT and MOVE FAR AWAY)

                        Happy making the right choices in life

                        Dolly's Barking Bubbles, LLC

                        www.dollysbarkingbubbles.com

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Cmf....you are so right. This is a question that needs to be asked in privacy with just the patient in attendance. I would write a note and ask that this be considered as a new policy. Just having that few moments could make a difference.

                          My DH works for the State. He considered working for CPS but didnt want to see children that are hurt. Then he thought he might work with APS until I mentioned that he would then be working with the elderly that are being abused, often times by their adult children. He decided to continue to work with addicted teens.

                          I'll be back to comment on Dolly's comments later.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Dolly View Post
                            A one hour course taken by a dog groomer isn't going to help any situation of abuse. Life is all about choices,.....people are always pointing the finger at someone else for their own situation.....start pointing it at yourself. Most scum bags don't just "happen" one day.........they showed their scum bag tactics, way before the abuse starts. Women should leave at the first sign of it, but they don't, they think that it won't happen again, or they will change him. Then women have children by the scum bag........choices you guys, it's all about choices.

                            Step one...call the police (this will give you a record of his abuse)

                            Step two... get a restraining order (another form for the record)

                            Step Three....start packing a gun to protect yourself (If he comes after you, you can protect yourself....you have a past history on record (step 1-2))

                            Step Four...MOVE OUT (no excuses about how you can't move.....MOVE OUT and MOVE FAR AWAY)

                            Happy making the right choices in life

                            Dolly's Barking Bubbles, LLC

                            www.dollysbarkingbubbles.com
                            Have you considered teaching a class or writing a book? Because, man, you just have it all figured out.

                            So many fallacies within each individual point I barely know how to begin. I'm as bootstrappy and personal accountability as the next person, but even little old I have enough sense to know that there are rarely (and that's being generous) one size fits all solutions to complicated issues. I mean it may not be complicated to people with black and white world views who have all the answers, but it can certainly be for us more fallible and imperfect humans.

                            Since there are not enough hours in my day to begin to address some of the logical fallacies such as assuming a call to police and documentation will automatically put one onto the path of safety and independence, I'm going to address the overall notion of Good Choice Making which seems to be at the heart of your strong opinion that victims of violence just have it coming if they don't make Good Choices to prevent it.

                            On the Good Choice Making front, completely taking out of the picture any notion of financial abuse and dependence, children, lack of education, lack of family support and resources, Good Choice Making is not an inherent skill. We are all, at least the fallible humans among us, products of not only our own plucky, bootstrappy drive to succeed, but our environments, our educations, our upbringings, lots and lots of variables.

                            I know we all love to point at a good success story where someone made something of themselves from nothing as proof that anyone can achieve anything, and focusing on those successful people who overcame all obstacles and got out of their horrific situations, what is missing from that warm and fuzzy narrative are all the Not Good Choices combined with Help along the way. They weren't in dire straits and then rescued by a series of Good Choices. There were stumbles along the way, and for those who made it, there was Help. By Help, I don't mean those helpful people who say "make better choices!" No, the people who succeed have their own plucky self-determination to credit, but there was also some luck and serendipity along the way. Sometimes Good Choices are a matter of fate and luck. As much as that seems to fly in the face of plucky self-determination, it doesn't. What if I told you that a person can be determined and driven and also need the good fortune of help? Nobody has ever succeeded totally on their own on pan fried bootstraps. No one.

                            For so many who end up in abusive situations, abuse is totally normalized their entire lives. I know, I know, it's so obvious to the intellectually superior that abuse is abuse is wrong and just get out and call police and BOOM the path to safety and independence lies ahead. For those who have spent their entire lives entrenched in abuse, it is normal. They never developed the skills for Good Choice Making because it's all relative. I was born into an environment in which physical and sexual abuse were completely normal. I was nearly grown before ever realizing there was something wrong with that picture. I made plenty of choices in my early life with that as my background narrative including abusive relationships. Nevermind all the very real threats of death. Call the cops and take out a restraining order all you want, but unless you can afford 24/7 armed security, you will eventually be vulnerable to this now super pissed off person. Move far away! Sounds like a fairytale for those with no transportation, money, family to run to, even if you had job prospects lined up whenyou get "there." Wherever there is and however you get there.

                            Also consider again that "doing something" like leaving is often the most dangerous time in an abuse victim's life. Also consider that the cop who responds to your call could be an abuser. Or the abuser's friend or relative. Or just plain indifferent. Or racist and believes (personal example) the white woman getting beaten by a black guy totally deserves it for stepping out of her lane. Anyone who thinks that calling the cops is an automatic safety device is sorely mistaken. Restraining order-- that piece of paper is useless except for after the fact, and if after the fact results in a murder, it's useless altogether. I mean yay for having it on record, but a piece of paper never stopped a determined abuser. Note: this is not a slam on cops as an industry. However, the industry is made up of other fallible humans. While it is a noble profession, there are many not so noble participants. There are many, many people who have every reason to feel threatened and vulnerable by involving cops and reasons why "call the cops" does not bring any measure of comfort.

                            Carry a gun. Well, if it makes you feel better. As long as the abuser gives you adequate notice to get it in your hand and out of your purse or a holster. And as long as you have the time and resources to devote to becoming trained and familiar with guns. And as long as you in your already heightened sense of panic can reliably know how and when to use it, and have it always on the ready with no danger to your children. And a long as you have never been convicted, rightly or wrongly, of certain crimes. I'm not anti gun. I own and am perfectly comfortable handling guns. I just do not buy into any broad brush prescription of guns as a solution to every threat. There are plenty of people for whom guns are not a good idea for a variety of reasons.

                            None of this even touches on the women (overwhelmingly, with acknowledgement that men can be victims as well) with no education or marketable skills who stayed home to raise families. They are financially dependent. While you can argue that that's Poor Choice number one, it really is not useful for the person who needs help now, and kind of dismisses the Make Good Choices narrative going forward. Sorry, sucks to be you with no education or marketable skills or family support. You made Poor Choices and now you're an abuse victim. Suck it up, buttercup.

                            If you think shelters and resources are universally available, think again. There are many areas with few or no such resources, and then they are limited and prioritized. As a single young woman, I was kicked out of one such facility to make room for women with children. On the streets. My Poor Choice that got me there as a kid was outing my sexual abuser. You know, taking control and doing something to end the abuse. I ended up on the streets for besmirching the reputation of a fine upstanding citizen. Move out? Where? With what? Let me tell you a little something about homelessness as a result of abuse (or anything, really). People seem to have this notion that it's easily solvable with a job or that there's family or somebody SOMEWHERE to run to. Heck, the entire idea that there is overwhelming sympathy for abuse victims is a fallacy. There is a huge sense that people, especially women, have it coming to them because of this or that. There is one person to blame for abuse. The abuser. There are so many times when staying seems like and even IS the safer choice at a particular time.

                            Homelessness after abuse-- I could not get a job flipping burgers or folding underwear in a factory with no transportation, no home address to put on an application, no phone number, and unkempt (because guess what? Even the gas stations get tired of you wanting to use their restrooms to wash up and will run you off). The positions I was most commonly offered were on my back or bent over. I was lucky enough to not be mentally ill and still had some wit about me and managed through all that with my bootstrappy sheer will stuff to eventually dig out. But I also crossed paths with some luck. Acknowledging that does not diminish the Personal Accountability Through Pluck & Bootstrap Pulling Act at all.

                            I could write a book. I almost have right here. I don't know your circumstances or whatever you've witnessed in your life, but my primary point is that there are no such simple solutions. If you or someone you know went through it and succeeded with such a simple resolution as you describe, more power to them. I mean that. That would actually be an example of good luck factoring in because I can promise you that it is very rarely such a simple resolution as calling cops, making a record, and just plain making The Good Choices to fix it.

                            Now for some relevance. I think I'd feel better if this training and education were an option for stylists and not mandatory. I think it has a lot to do with the stereotype of stylists as personal therapists and confidants. I also am really curious to know how much of that training is required of law enforcement there and how often they have to recertify in this specific field.

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