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  • Needing to vent a bit

    I try not to vent too much and it's really not a huge deal, I think I'm just a little hyper sensitive right now.
    Yesterday was a long day. Made much longer by my big mouth (see other thread) but still I left the house at 9:30am and got home after 7pm. I was tired and hadn't been able to have my lunch break (again due to my inability to stop talking) so I was hungry. I was also feeling a bit emotional. Yesterday one of my close friends, her parents have always treated me like a daughter. and I've been friends with her since 3rd grade. Well, they are moving to Colorado and wanted to give us some furniture. I KNOW it probably sounds stupid, but the couch and recliner I had was my mom's. It was not in great shape. The recliner didn't recline anymore and she'd had 7 cats who used them as scratching posts. So yes, we really could have used some furniture in good shape. But it was my moms sofa. I remember her often napping on that couch, it was so comfortable. I knew hanging onto the couch just because it was my mom's was silly. I mean, I couldn't hang onto it forever and it's only an object. But I cried on and off all day yesterday knowing it was being put to the curb. So I was probably not in the best mood when I got home last night anyway. But I walk in around 7:15pm and my husband tells me they have been waiting on me for dinner. Which means, they have been waiting on me to cook dinner and my daughter has to be in bed at 8:30pm and hasn't eaten dinner yet. So I'm not happy. Then I see the house is destroyed and the dining room table is so covered in junk we could never sit at it. so while I am getting dinner ready I start cleaning off the table, sweeping, picking up etc. I know I could have asked for help, but I was so ticked at that point I didn't want to say anything I'd regret, especially in front of the kids. I had agreed to also cut my sisters hair, so after getting my daughter showered and into bed (hubby did help with the shower/bedtime routine) I went to my sisters to cut her hair. She was chatting on the phone with our younger sister so I sat and waited to do her hair. It takes me a long time to cut her hair, I don't do it often, so I didn't actually leave her house until close to 11pm and hubby had asked me to stop at the store. He needed more razor blades so he could shave. Going to Walmart that late at night, with ONE lane open. I think I was standing in line for a good 40 minutes and got home around midnight. So then, when I finally collapse into bed hubby actually has the nerve to ask me what's bothering me. Everyday that he works and I am home with the kids he comes home to find dinner on the table waiting for him. I've told him before that the days I work he should return the favor, it's only one day. I'm just frustrated and probably overly sensitive right now, but after grooming and being on the road for 9 1/2 hours I just wanted to be able to come home and actually relax a bit. Sorry for the whine, I feel better now.
    What a caterpillar considers the end of his world, we call a butterfly.

  • #2
    Personally, I would have gone on strike, right then and there. You don't spell mother M-A-I-D, and I made sure my kids understood that. The first one home starts the dog chores and then starts dinner.

    I remember when I was a kid. We had the same basic rules. Even at the age of 10, I was the first one home, so I put the horses out if necessary, filled the water tank if necessary, then cleaned up and started dinner. By the time I was 12 I could cook an entire meal by myself. Even things like fried chicken and pot roasts.

    I hate to say it, but it sounds like you made the bed that you are now reluctant to lay in. The only way to change things is to stop playing maid and enlist some help. Insist on it.

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    • #3
      Boy do I ever know what you are talking about! My husband only works 6 months out of the year as his job is seasonal, well he barely lifts a finger! I do his and the kids laundry, meals, cleaning, pay bills etc... I get sick of it also. I work hard and it's bull! Time to put the foot down I guess.

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      • #4
        Yes, I have "taught" my family that it's ok to act this way and I know it. My daughter is 6 and my son is 4 now. Normally I don't have a problem coming home from work and cooking when needed, I was more upset at the hour at which my husband allowed the kids to have to wait to eat. I usually don't mind cooking because my husband stinks at it and I like to have my food edible. I know I have set this situation up for myself but I am having a hard time fixing it. When I first started out as wife and then mother I wanted to be the perfect wife and perfect mom (I know, not very reasonable) and in my mind modeled myself after the ladies I watched on TV. You know, June Cleaver and such. For a long time I thought being a good wife and mom meant that I should be able to do all that stuff without asking for help, so I allowed my family to get comfortable with it. It's only in the last couple years I've realized I just can't do it alone, but it seems so ingrained in them that I just don't know how to change it. I know that this is my own doing. I just want to make everyone happy and I know I really don't have a right to complain about it later. I just get frustrated at myself and then with hubby. I am sure it's more that I have just been a bit over emotional lately. I shouldn't have to call my husband and tell him to feed the kids at an appropriate time though. And I have told him that I don't know how many times, if I'm not home at 5:50-6pm to go ahead and feed the kids dinner. I even had microwave kids meals in the freezer to make it fool proof for him. All the other stuff though, I know is totally my fault. They know if they don't do it, mom will eventually get tired of asking and do it for them. Of course, they are usually sitting in their room in a long time out while I'm doing it, but that doesn't seem to be helping much.
        What a caterpillar considers the end of his world, we call a butterfly.

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        • #5
          Yes, Superwoman????

          Helly said it. And you describe how you actually took it all and did it all (and THEN SOME!), so you need to set your boundaries and be good to yourself.

          You were not being oversensitive. You were being over-used.

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          • #6
            I totally hear ya, omg, we have 3 cats, 2 of which like to throw up hairballs...a lot....Not one person can pick up the puke, they will walk over or past it a million times, even step in it and leave it
            Or the trash overflowing. The toilet, I am not the one who lifts the seat to pee, why do I need to clean up the splatters that are invisible to a man's eye
            Inside out socks, tshirts, and the one leg in and one out on the pants sometimes with the underwear (ewwwww) still hooked to a leg.
            The collection of cigarette butts on the front lawn by the front door, he picks up a few at a time..not all of them.
            There was a reason we all got married, does anyone remember what it was???? LOL

            things i no longer do:
            turn socks right side out
            same for tshirts, they get put up like i wash them
            jeans get hung up, 1 leg in one out, LOL
            underwear, thrown in a drawer-he can figure out if they are inside out-not a difficult thing being mens underwear.....

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            • #7
              ML quit beating yourself up, June Cleaver, Donna Reed and all of them didn't have their own business to run and besides they were all figments of some writers (probably a guy!) imagination.
              You're 1/2 of a marriage-no it's NEVER 50/50- it's give and take from both sides and you been doin' all the givin'!!

              Helly's right- I was raised the same way. Both my parent's worked and I worked too by doing my part (taking care of critters,starting supper,laundry) after school. I know that your kids are younger but you haven't put up any messages about hubby bein' in a full body cast that I can find!

              Take time for yourself or you'll regret it later...

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              • #8
                This is great!! I knew darn well I wasn't the only Mom who felt like this Henrythe8th- I do the same with the laundry as you!! And I don't check pockets anymore either! Infact last week it was my fault the garage door remote was washed in hubby's work pants ?? Hubby likes to leave his clothes lie around so they once stayed in a pile for 3 months (mainly socks and briefs), but after 3 mos of tripping over the pile in the closet who picks them up?? ME!! It gets very old when we work too and have to tend to the kids, house everything. Just feeding the kids at a decent hour would be a big help

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                • #9
                  I guess we're never alone. My husband doesn't like the way I fold his laundry. He likes his shirts folded in half, then the sleves folded over. I fold the sleeves in at the sides and then in half. He does his work clothes every Sunday, but very rarely anything else. He says if I write it down he'll do it, but I get tired of having to write everything down all the time. My mom laughed at me once when I left him a list that said "process laundry". She asked why I didn't just write "do laundry" and I told her because then it would mean he would throw a load in the wash and that would be it. I don't even separate the clothes anymore. I just throw it all in usually. There are a few things I make sure to wash separately or on delicate, etc. I do try to wash the towels and sheets together so I can wash them on hot, but at this point, I'm just happy to be getting the clothes washed. I used to turn everything right side out, but folding is so painful on my wrists as it is, I just fold things as is now. If someone wants to wear it they will have to turn it themselves. I grew up never really having any weekly chores. My mom and grandmother (who lived with us) pretty much took care of things most of the time. My mom would have times where we suddenly had chores to do, it wouldn't last long though. She used to tell me to clean my room, so I would pull all the sheets and blankets off my bed and take a nap in them because she would always think it was so cute she'd come in and clean around me while I slept. Yeah, I was a pretty manipulative little kid. Took her a while to catch on too. It wasn't that I never did any cleaning, but most of the time my mom would feel like it would look better if she did it, so she did. And honestly, I think one of the reasons I am such a lousy housekeeper is because I never learned how to clean properly growing up. It sounds stupid, but it's taken me a long time to learn what different cleansers to use on what. I had never used Comet before my MIL showed me how well it worked, I still don't know what to wipe down my cabinets with and get all the oily finger prints off, etc.
                  I have a great husband in so many ways, I truly do, but no one is perfect. I am a terrible housekeeper no matter how hard I try, the house always looks a wreck. When he cleans it always looks so much better than when I do it. He will only do house cleaning on Sundays usually. I clean everyday. I don't know how other women do it. I spend so much time at home during the day, the house should be spotless.
                  What a caterpillar considers the end of his world, we call a butterfly.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I have learned to over look somethings... and you're right no one is perfect. I have gotten to the point where I close the kids' doors so I don't have to look at their mess. Hubby is gone 20 days out of the month. I keep the house up when he is gone... NEAT and TIDY how I like it. The days in which he is home, I tend to let it go. Maybe minimal sweeping, dishes etc. I give up on being frustrated all the time. Take time out to treat yourself nice

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                    • #11
                      I would have ordered pizza.
                      Ate in the living room.
                      Told husband to go and get his razor blades.
                      Called sister and rescheduled.

                      Now there, nice and relaxed.

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                      • #12
                        mylady, it sounds like you need to have a serious conversation with hubby about the partnership of marriage and child-rearing. It's 2010, not 1955-- and anyway I don't think June Cleaver ever had a mobile dog grooming business. In fact, tell hubby that when his job alone pays all the bills, you can "retire" and he can start calling you Mrs. Cleaver.

                        If you work on Sundays, make a list for him of things to do every Sunday. Including going to the store. Then laminate it and you won't have to keep writing it. Next time you make chili or stew or lots of other things that can be frozen make 2 or 3 times as much and bam, there's your working-late Sunday dinner. Certainly he can operate a microwave.

                        Cutting someone's hair until 11 pm??? Geez, really.

                        And I don't care if you got yourself into this situation- that does not mean it can't be changed. Do an overhauling and make sure your kids & husband understand that regardless of how you all got here- things need to change.
                        The true meaning of life is to plant trees, under whose shade you do not expect to sit. ~Nelson Henderson

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          I'm with LoriA!

                          They are his kids, too! So, he should feed them when you are working (especially if he isn't). I had a co-worker one time who got home tired from work. Her family asked her what was for dinner. She said "Whatever you want to fix", took a yogurt out of the refrigerator, went into her room and shut the door. She got a little more consideration after that. You could try something like that! Why couldn't your husband buy his own razor blades? I'm so glad I'm married to a woman!

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                          • #14
                            First off sorry you had one of those days they really suck.But......

                            Oh been there and I'll say you handled it much better than I would have. I have a tendency to yell. My husband and I went through something like this awhile back it seemed no matter how hard I was working his job involved more and his life was harder so I needed to do everything else because when he was at home it was his time. Well after he smarted off and told me that I had done his laundry wrong I went on strike. I refused to do any of his laundry or cook him dinner. If I got home first I'd feed the kids and have it all put away before he got home. Didn't take long till we had a blow up but aired everything out when he realized how much I'd been doing he finally started to help. he still has his moments but it's much better
                            "I've seen a look in dogs' eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt,
                            and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts." - John Steinbeck
                            www.wagmoresalon.com

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by blue View Post
                              mylady, it sounds like you need to have a serious conversation with hubby about the partnership of marriage and child-rearing. It's 2010, not 1955-- and anyway I don't think June Cleaver ever had a mobile dog grooming business. In fact, tell hubby that when his job alone pays all the bills, you can "retire" and he can start calling you Mrs. Cleaver.

                              If you work on Sundays, make a list for him of things to do every Sunday. Including going to the store. Then laminate it and you won't have to keep writing it. Next time you make chili or stew or lots of other things that can be frozen make 2 or 3 times as much and bam, there's your working-late Sunday dinner. Certainly he can operate a microwave.

                              Cutting someone's hair until 11 pm??? Geez, really.

                              And I don't care if you got yourself into this situation- that does not mean it can't be changed. Do an overhauling and make sure your kids & husband understand that regardless of how you all got here- things need to change.
                              Blue for President! Those babies are HIS kids, too. Making the kids wait until you get dinner cooked no matter what time that is, is NOT called parenting. Knowing you won't be home and refusing to microwave the kids something is legally called "neglect". Just this year I became grateful to be single. Y'all's descriptions of your husbands makes me even MORE grateful. I am no longer convinced I am missing out on something.
                              "We are all ignorant--we merely have different areas of specialization."~Anonymous
                              People, PLEASE..It's ONLY a website!~Me

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