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  • Taking care of parents

    First, let me say, I don't normally come to this board for personal help, but I'm in the middle of an extremely stressful situation and I'd just need some support from fellow groomers.

    My father has been very ill (thanks to all my FB friends for your support) and just found out today that he's no longer going to be able to live alone. He is afraid and so am I. I'm his POA for his medical needs and have promised him that as long as I can provide him care at home (be it myself or someone else) he will be at HOME. He doesn't want to go into a care facility and I dont' want to send him to one, but I'm worried about providing him 24/7 care. I personally, can not move in with him, besides, I have to keep my business open in order to pay my bills and take care of my family. I can be there in the evenings, to make sure he's eating, medicated, etc, so what will I do about the other 20 hours a day? I'm meeting with a patient advocate tomorrow (hopefully), so I'll have a better idea of what's available as far as home care goes, but would like to hear from others with the same challenges.

    If you are or have cared for your aging parent(s), how did you juggle your schedule to take care of them and still keep your business going?

  • #2
    First let me say that I'm really sorry to hear about your father, my mom's the same way except that my hubby & I did move in with her- sometimes it gets "interesting". We shut our home up and go check on it several times a week,mow and such.

    I don't know where you're at but in our area there's a service called "Visiting Angels". A person comes out and cooks,does light housekeeping,helps with bathing,meds and such. Also don't forget local church's they will sometimes be able to recommend someone who could either sit or or visit daily.

    You're right it is scary for both parent and child- the parent is afraid of someone that they don't know coming into their home and of losing their independence and the child is faced with the parent who took care of them now needing help. The patient advocate should have a list of resources available to you. You're not alone- (((HUGS))), hope this helps.

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    • #3
      Check for local agency's that are there to help. Meals on wheels for food or I used a business call comfort keepers they come in and will do light house work take them shopping cook small meals and just give companionship it's a great group. My father was able to stay in his homw for a lot longer than if he'd have been on his own. I lived 45 min away so it was hard to just swing by after work but I would go up and help in the evening and my brother would go down some as well. In the end he did have to go to a care facility because he could no longer walk and we could't care for him in our home. See if your local government offices have any resources for you. Prayer to you and your family. I know how hard it is
      "I've seen a look in dogs' eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt,
      and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts." - John Steinbeck
      www.wagmoresalon.com

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      • #4
        Send me a PM, and I will give you my moms email. She cared for both of my grandparents at home until they passed. There are many options to help people including support that comes to your home. She knows how hook up assistance.

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        • #5
          I feel your pain and sorry you & your Dad are going thru this. I've never have had to face that decision as my Dad lived in Fla and my step mother was able to take care of him along with hospice care.

          Some of the assisted living (not nursing homes) are great for those just needing a little bit of help. Check into home care which might be covered under Medicare in your State.

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          • #6
            I'm sorry to hear about your Dad's health problems. I admire your resolve to take care of him.

            I am interested to hear some of the ways people provide care for their parents while working full time. My parents are in their 70's and I worry about the day they will not be able to care for themselves. I'll be following this thread to get some ideas for when/if the time comes they need to move in with me.
            "The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go." ~Dr. Seuss

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            • #7
              I hired an older gal who had worked for years at a local nursing home as a CNA. She had retired but wanted to pad her income. Cash on the barrelhead and we had a deal.

              In many ways my mother was capable of taking care of herself, but leaving her to her own devices for too long a space of time was apt to have her get into mischief. Hence, Shirley kept her in line. I also routinely called during the day and expected the phone to be answered when I did call. Mom let me know she resented such nosiness on my part.

              Telling her I'd call the cops if she didn't answer got 100% compliance with the phone call rule.

              And it all worked out. My mother lived at home until her death. That's the way she wanted it and that's how it went.

              It can be done, but it isn't easy to do.

              I am assuming you are either an only child or have siblings that want nothing to do with the situation.

              The latter is far more common than people realize.

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              • #8
                I feel for you. My dad is in another state, and I never seem to feel comfortable with what is going on up there. Fortunately my brother drives down almost every weekend. He keeps an eye on things.
                Does your dad have to have 24 hour care? Does he require skilled nursing, or a caregiver? His level of care needs will dictate what you need to do. Is he well enough to go to a senior center for daycare?

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                • #9
                  I don't have any advice--I lived with my Grandma when I was younger and my Mom cared for her in her home until she absolutely needed constant care from a medical nurse and therefor went into a nursing home. BUT- I wanted to tell you that I think you caring for your Dad as best you can is an incredibly kind and generous and loving thing to take on. I hope everything works out alright and that your advocate can come up with some ideas and solutions. Good luck, Nea.
                  Human kindness has never weakened the stamina or softened the fiber of a free people. A nation does not have to be cruel to be tough. ~Franklin D. Roosevelt
                  www.ChrisSertzel.com

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                  • #10
                    Thanks so much to all on this thread and in the PM's I've gotten. The support is so incredibly heartwarming and there are some wonderful people on this forum

                    Off to meet with the people in the "know" so we'll see what I can come up with. I hope everyone has a great day and thanks again for all the positive thoughts, prayers, and encouragement.

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                    • #11
                      When my grandmother got to the point of not being able to live alone her kids did everything they could to keep her out of a nursing home, but in the end she lived her last 2 or 3 years there. There were 4 kids, my mom, aunt and 2 uncles. They all 4 worked, so they hired someone to stay with her during the day and they would take turns going in the evenings, well mom and aunt, 2 boys were no help, but they did take care of house stuff, mowed yard etc. It was exhuasting my mom and aunt, then it got to where she could not be left alone at all, so they hired people to come in shifts. In theory this was good, but when someone would not show up or would just quite with no notice it became impossible. Mt grandma was a fairly heavy woman and a grouch and was not easy to take care of. She also fell a lot, so in the end they had no choice, but to put her in the nursing home.

                      My mother has told me and my sister that she does not want us to go through that with her and when the time comes we should put her in a nursing home.

                      My hubby and I have a small one room apartment beside our house. My daughter lives there now, but one day it may be where one of our parents live, at least they would be very close, but still have privacy.

                      I'm sorry you are having to go through this. I hope you find a solution that works for you.

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                      • #12
                        We were recently there...

                        my hubby's mom stayed in a nursing home for 2 years before we brought her home to live with us. I have seen both sides of the coin. I feel that we are blessed that she spent her final 2 months at home with those who loved her. (she passed away in Jan) It is a sacrifice. It is hard. It is the most difficult decision and job you will have. But I am so happy that it is the choice we made. There is help there. Church, hospice, home health, etc. My prayers are with you both. Talk with Hospice. The one here has a program of volunteers that will came sit at no charge.

                        Keep us posted!

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                        • #13
                          Just checking to see what the advocate came up with for you,hoping it's good news!

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                          • #14
                            It's early and no coffee yet, but wanted to update.

                            Dad seemed some better yesterday and the dr's were very positive about his condition.

                            I talked briefly with the PRM (patient resource manager) and they did tell me that Medicare does pay for some of the help we'll need for a short period after a hospitalization, whether at home or in a skilled nursing facility. I believe my dad has long term care coverage on his medicare supplement and he is also covered by the VA, just don't know all the details of what's covered there either. I've got to get more information on both of those policies, but at least I know that he'll be taken care of immediately after release from the hosptial and I've got a bit of time to do all of this stuff.

                            Thanks again y'all for ALLLLLLL the help and support!

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                            • #15
                              That's great news!! Now you can take a breather and not feel so cornered -right? The VA usually has a lot of support resources and they might have a group for family members. My mom got a lot of great info/ideas about ways to help both my dad & herself after his stroke. I'm so glad to see that the Dr's are optimistic and that you got some idea of what to do next!

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