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Twas the month after Christmas /OT

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  • Twas the month after Christmas /OT

    It was posted by the autor on global puli group. I liked it and though I would share.

    Jenny Martin

    Twas the month after Christmas,
    and all through the house,
    Nothing would fit me,
    not even a blouse.

    The shortbread I'd nibbled,
    the chocolate I'd taste
    At the holiday parties
    had gone to my waist.

    When I got on the scales
    there arose such a number!
    When I walked to the store
    (less a walk than a lumber),

    I'd remember the marvellous meals I'd prepared;
    The gravies and sauces and roasts nicely rared,
    The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
    And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."

    As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt
    And prepared once again to do battle with dirt...
    I said to myself, as I only can,
    "You can't spend a Summer, disguised as a man!"

    So, away with the last of the sour cream dip.
    Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.
    Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
    Till all the additional ounces have vanished.

    I won't have a biscuit, not even a lick.
    I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
    I won't have hot scones, or shortbread, or pie.
    I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.

    I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore...
    But isn't that what January is for?
    Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
    Happy New Year to all, and to all a good diet.

  • #2
    That is tooooo funny!! The sad thing is IT'S TRUE!! I'm back to counting calories and doing my bicycle and treadmill every night. Gotta lose about 15 lbs before summer!


    • #3
      Hey with the cold snap we had here in Florida, I might want to hang on to my "insulation" for just a little longer! Of course I'm still waiting for the magic pill. I can dream can't I?!


      • #4
        Oh my goodness I like that!


        • #5
          Too funny, but oh so true.
          Even funnier, I just sent my hubby out to buy me a chocolate candy bar!!!!! Can't wait till he gets home.
          "There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."


          • #6

            Luv luv luv the poem. So true!!!


            • #7
              Love it...and it reminded me of one I wrote last year, which I'll re-post for those who havent seen it yet:
              Inspired by insanity and submitted for your approval I present to you, my dear friends, an original piece of prose by yours truly:

              'Twas the week after Christmas and all through the house
              suitcases were stacked, no room for a mouse.

              The carpet was covered with dog and cat hair,
              Books and bi-focals lay here and lay there.

              The cupboards were dark, the frig, she was empty.
              all food was consumed, where before there was plenty.

              The holiday cookies and candies and chips
              had all disappeared (probably straight to their hips).

              Bottles of vitamins and pills of all kinds
              took over the space that before was all mine.

              Dishes and glasses, saucers and plates
              were stacked to the ceiling cuz everyone waits

              for someone else to come cruising along
              and clean up after them, as though she were "mom".

              Boxes and cartons and leftover wrapping
              lay where they were thrown, the culprits still napping!

              The sink in the bathroom was splashed and a mess-
              hair, soap, and toothpaste from when they got dressed.

              Damp bath towels laid all over the floor
              and dad's dirty boxers still hung from the door.

              The dog had the runs from the holiday treats
              that mom slyly gives him, whenever she eats.

              My clothes were all dirty, not a thread of them clean
              cuz she had been using my washing machine.

              We were out of TP, we were out of hand soap.
              Dad hogged my computer. I had given up hope.

              When what to my suffering ears did I hear
              but those wonderful words, "We need to go, dear."

              They packed up their bags, collected their pets
              and stuffed all in the car. And with that, they just left.

              No one heard me exclaim as they drove out of sight,
              "Hooray! Privacy! Now I'll get some tonight!"
              Guard well within yourself that treasure, kindness. Know how to give without hesitation, how to lose without regret, how to acquire without meanness.
              George Sand (1804 - 1876)