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Tired of playing in the snow?

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  • Tired of playing in the snow?

    I grew up in snow country, so I can appreciate this one, hope you who have to shovel will get a smile out it....


    Diary of a Snow Shoveler --- Funniest Thing

    > You Will Read This Season

    > Diary of a snow shoveler, probable location -

    > North East


    > December 8 - 6:00 PM

    > It started to snow.

    > The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our

    > cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the

    > huge soft flakes drift down from heaven.

    > It looked like a Grandma Moses Print.

    > So romantic we felt like newlyweds again.

    > I love snow!


    > December 9

    > We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow

    > covering every inch of the landscape.

    > What a fantastic sight!

    > Can there be a lovelier place in the whole world?

    > Moving here was the best idea I've ever had!

    > Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy

    > again.

    > I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.

    > This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the

    > sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to

    > shovel again.

    > What a perfect life!


    > December

    > 12

    > The sun has melted all our lovely snow.

    > Such a disappointment!

    > My neighbor tells me not to worry- we'll definitely

    > have a white Christmas.

    > No snow on Christmas would be awful!

    > Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter,

    > that I'll never want to see snow again

    > I don't think that's possible.

    > Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our

    > neighbor.


    > December 14

    > Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night.

    > The temperature dropped to -20.

    > The cold makes everything sparkle so.

    > The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling

    > the driveway and sidewalks.

    > This is the life!

    > The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything

    > again.

    > I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much

    > shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this

    > way.

    > I wish l wouldn't huff and puff so.


    > December 15

    > 20 inches forecast.

    > Sold my van and

    > bought a 4x4 Blazer.

    > Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra

    > shovels.

    > Stocked the freezer.

    > The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes

    > out.

    > I think that's silly.

    > We aren't in Alaska, after all.


    > December 16

    > Ice storm this morning.

    > Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down

    > salt.

    > Hurt like hell.

    > The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very

    > cruel.


    > December 17

    > Still way below freezing.

    > Roads are too icy to go anywhere.

    > Electricity was off for 5 hours.

    > I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm.

    > Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate

    > her.

    > Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't

    > admit it to her.

    > I hate it when

    > she's right.

    > I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own

    > living room.


    > December 20

    > Electricity's back on, but had another 14 inches of the

    > stuff last night.

    > More shoveling!

    > Took all day.

    > The darn snowplow came by twice.

    > Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said

    > they're too busy playing hockey.

    > I think they're lying.

    > Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a

    > snow blower and they're out.

    > Might have another shipment in March.

    > I think they're lying.

    > Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and

    > bill me.

    > I think he's lying.


    > December 22

    > Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more

    > inches of the white **** fell today, and

    > it's so cold, it probably won't melt till August.

    > Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to

    > shovel

    > and then I had to pee.

    > By the time I got undressed, peed and dressed

    > again. I was too tired to shovel.

    > Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest

    > of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think

    > the guy is lying.


    > December 23

    > Only 2 inches of snow today

    > And it warmed up to 0.

    > The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this

    > morning.

    > What is she, nuts?!!

    > Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago?

    > She says she did but I think she's lying.


    > December 24

    > 6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the

    > shovel.

    > Thought I was having a heart attack.

    > If I ever catch the guy who drives that

    > snow plow, I'll drag him through the snow and beat

    > him to death with my broken shovel.

    > I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to

    > finish shoveling and then he

    > comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws

    > snow all over where I've just been!

    > Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with

    > her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for

    > the darn snowplow.


    > December 25

    > Merry freaking Christmas!

    > 20 more inches of the slop tonight -Snowed in.

    > The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil.

    > God, I hate the snow!

    > Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and

    > I hit him over the head with my shovel.

    > The wife says I have a bad attitude.

    > I think she's an idiot.

    > If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life"

    > one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the

    > microwave.


    > December 26

    > Still snowed in.

    > Why the heck did I ever move here?

    > It was all HER idea.

    > She's really getting on my nerves.


    > December 27

    > Temperature dropped to -30 and the

    > pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for

    > him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.


    > December 28

    > Warmed up to above -20.

    > Still snowed in.

    > The woman is driving me crazy!!!


    > December 29

    > 10 more inches.

    > Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in.

    > That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How

    > dumb does he think I am?


    > December 30

    > Roof caved in.

    > I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for

    > a million dollars, not only the beating I gave him, but also

    > for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass.

    > The wife went home to her mother.

    > Nine more inches predicted.


    > December 31

    > I set fire to what's left of the house.

    > No more shoveling.


    > January 8

    > Feel so good.

    > I just love those little white

    > pills they keep giving me.

    > Why am I tied to the bed?




  • #2
    LMAO! Thanks, I needed that since we are "snowed in" here in Alabama with our 1/2 inch of snow that turned into ice. Kids are home from school, BF home from work, and of course I was stupid enough to let my daughter have some friends spend the night since we are in the country and they could have fun playing in the snow, but of course its too cold to go outside.

    Can you send me some of those little white pills please?


    • #3
      Lmao thats gonna be me and hubby soon.Ohhh how I can relate


      • #4
        Very funny! We keep having such cold weather here in Illinois, many nights below zero already. I keep asking my husband if he isn't sure we aren't in Alaska. Oh yeah, the snow keeps coming!


        • #5
          LMBO! I can so relate. Funny thing about this weather is it actually feels colder here in the low 20's than Wisconsin which was in the single digiits.
          "We are all ignorant--we merely have different areas of specialization."~Anonymous
          People, PLEASE..It's ONLY a website!~Me


          • #6
            Freezing here in Houston

            You know how you always hear about dry heat, dry cold.... well, the cold here is bitter due to the Gulf moisture. So when the wind blows, it cuts right through you! I actually bought a few pairs of thermal underwear to put under my grooming pants. I swear, you can get the same amount of protection from the cold wearing a swimsuit as you can wearing the grooming clothes lol. Boy, I didn't know global warming was going to be so FREAKING COLD!!!!!!!