HELP! Need some advise pronto...

[Glamourpetsgal]

Well here it goes....

I own a grooming salon that has 5 groomers, myself included. The problem that I have is my best friend works with me, however, she is not happy grooming anymore. She has said repeatedly that she only grooms because she is good at it. Here is the rub, she is bringing down the whole mood in the shop. She complains about everything. Everyone feels it, and they all want me to fire her, but how do I tell my BF that she needs to find something else to do that will make her happy? How do you fire your BF and still have your BF? It wouldn't be such a problem if I didn't care so much about her and I'm not the sort of person that throws away friendships due to rough patches (we all have them), but I do need to think of my business first and it is starting to spill over to her clients. Any thoughts here??????

[Canopener Sally]

I'd want to hear what you just said. If she's a reasonable person she'll appreciate honesty and directness. Not the cold "I'm your boss" directness. The "being real" directness.

[neanea]

I would like to think that best friends could talk about things, even if it is uncomfortable. Of course, not all people are like that and can only see things their way. Being wrapped up in your own misery can be a lonely place, so some prefer to drag others down with them.

I'd hope that you could sit down with your BF/groomer and tell her specifically what is going on (without blaming her or the other groomers), let her know you've noticed she seems very unhappy with her current situation and it's beginning to spill over to the whole TEAM. Ask her if she really wants to continue on there or if she'd be happier to find a new direction. If she chooses to stay, then you should make her aware that she needs to hang her "issues" on a nail outside the door before she comes in for the benefit of the TEAM! Maybe she doesn't realize whats happening behind the scenes.

Some times, the best thing to do is just put the hay down where the short goats can eat it and lay it all out there. If feelings are going to be hurt, then that's the price BOTH of you will have to pay. IF, it works out, so much the better, if not, then it's probably for the best.

[odette]

I fired a bf once, remained friends for along time, take her aside and tell her the truth,it's only business, not personal. But it is YOUR business, and it has to come first .Dangerous to work with friends or family. imo

[Glamourpetsgal]

I see what both of you are saying, but it's just so hard for me to have that talk. I was always told, "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" by the absolute best person in the entire world, my momma. When she passed from cancer at 62 years, we could honestly say she never made an enemy and never met a person that didn't love her. I sometime wonder if I am really cut out to "Be The Boss". I know this has more to do with me than with her, but I usually just let these type of thing blow over and then thing return to normal. Unfortunately, it's been 3 months now and no wind in sight. Darn it all... ;-\

[Cat Crazy]

That's a tough spot for you. I can appreciate you don't want to loose a friend, but it is your business.

First, you sit down with her and have a nice heart to heart talk with her. Tell her you know she's been unhappy and that for her own good, she should look for a career/job that will make her happy. Tell her not to worry about you and your business (you will be fine) and that you are willing to help her achieve her goals. Let her know your friendship will NOT be negatively affected by her leaving - you don't feel she is abandoning you. Speak to her as her best friend with her best interest at heart. Hopefully, this will get her thinking about moving on or you will get to the root of her unhappiness and the problem can be resolved.

If that doesn't work, then you'll have to talk to her as a boss and let her know how her mood is affecting everyone at work, including clients, etc., and it's affecting your business and that her job is at risk if this continues.

Good luck

[Glamourpetsgal]

Odette,

I'm learning that the hard way. I work with both... eeekkkkk.

[SwissNChow]

She's your best friend, right? So, then you want to help her, not hurt her. But, she's bringing you down and you have to do something.

First thing I would do would be to spend $20 for a book called 48 Days to the Work You Love and gift it to her. It's a book about exploring what you love to do and what you are good at and how to turn that into a business or a job you want. You want her to be happy, and if it turns out that she can be happy grooming, then fantastic, you want your old friend the happy groomer back. If she can't be happy grooming, then you want to help her find what she will be happy with. It is very unhealthy to suffer through a job you just don't like.

Next thing I would do would be to talk to the team. She has to be there, but I wouldn't single her out. Have everyone write down the away from work issues they are dealing with, put it in an envelope and put it in a box at the front door. They "stow" their issues at the door, and then they can take them home with them when they leave. There is simply no dealing with outside issues while at work. As a team, you discuss work issues and come up with a plan to fix things. It really is amazing how things work better when the team is working together, and very often, just the mental exercise of hanging your life issues at the door when you come in really helps a lot of people.

One of my good friends couldn't leave work at work, and it majorly affected not only his work, but his entire home life. He started taking an extra 5 minutes before he left his work and wrote the issues down and left them on his desk. He was then able to actually go home without his issues. They were right there waiting for him the next morning and he could pick them right up again. What he found was that his mind literaly quit working on the issues because he no longer had to remember them because he could write them down and leave them there. He was not only more productive at work, but he was a joy at home and as a result still lives with his wife and 4 kids and is much happier.

[dogspaw]

Do you think she truly does not want to groom anymore, ever again, or is she going threw a "burn out" phase? Maybe you could offer her a couple weeks off to evaluate what she really wants to do.

Sometimes I think we get stuck in a rut and forget why we started doing this in the first place and sometimes maybe we need a fresh look at the whole situation. Either way, I would sit her down and talk to her and see what she says about the situation. You did not become friends without being able to talk about things.

[caninecrazy]

Sounds like she is suffering from "burn out" maybe you could get some information on this and pass it to her and polietly let her know that her burn out is effecting you, others and your business and you cannot allow it to continue.
Your in a tough spot, you may loose a BF, but whats worse? Your business? Unfortunatley she is putting you in this position, not the other way around. You can counsel, help, be a friend, but in the end it's your business.
Personally, I could'nt allow anyone to interfer with my living.
Good luck, your between a rock and a hard spot, you'll have to be smart and tough.

[gr8danlvr1]

swissnchow: that is a fantastic idea! I once was having an issue w/ a bf over his family and wrote a big letter. I really meant it for him, but in the end never gave it to him because just the act of getting it all out really made me feel better. I hadn't thought about that until now.

[doggydivas]

Bummer

Whelp, regardless of your feelings about confronting you BF it sounds like it has to be done. Now you just need to decide the approach your gonna take. I think she deserves to know. I also think it's only fair to the other groomers in your salon.
If you don't say anything then you are really chancing her harming your business. Especially if clients are already feeling it.
I would almost bet it is burnout. I wouldn't think that she would WANT to intentionally harm your business or disturb the peace in the salon.
I would just simply talk with her and see what her issues are. Tell her what you told us here. She should understand.....or at least I would hope so. IF my bf is having a hard time I feel it is my duty as her friend to talk with her. This is no different. That is what BF's are for. Sometimes you ruffle each others feathers but that is all part of it. Good luck to ya and please keep us posted.....

[Dawn125]

How about just taking her to lunch and saying that you feel like she isn't happy and would like to help her figure out what would make her happy. Let her know that you understand if she isn't happy grooming and maybe there is a way you could help her find out what she wants to do. Perhaps she could drop to part time and go back to school or something. Rather than going the "you're a drag at work" angle, go with the "how can I make you happy" angle.

[Glamourpetsgal]

You guys are all awesome. Thank you for the great advise. I'm gonna have a talk with her this weekend and see what I can do to help her. I think you are right, it's total burnout. Maybe she needs a break from grooming to do something else, or maybe she just needs to vent alittle. Either way, I'll be there for her. My other groomers love her too. We are like a family here, spending holidays and vacations together. I'm sure they will support her as much as I will. Again thanks everyone. I'll keep you all posted. BTW, Happiest of New Years to you all.

[DogChic]

If you think it's burn out ... talk w/her and ask her to do a little soul searching - is this really what she wants to do? Is it making her happy? Is there anything you can do to make her work environment better/more enjoyable? I would give her a little time to think it over & try & work it out if she wants to. If not, then she needs to find something else to do, bottom line.

and as a learning lesson .... do not hire anyone that you would not fire! (friends, relatives, etc)