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Yikes! Hubby vs. da bossman - What to do??

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  • Yikes! Hubby vs. da bossman - What to do??

    My old man was very unhappy when I got home yesterday after an 11 hour day (8 appts,13 dogs). I left before sunrise and came home LONG after dark. I was completely exhausted, could barely muster up the energy to eat the wonderful dinner he had waiting. Even though he says he understands that, between the holidays and our other groomer leaving, this will be a rough month, he doesn't like it. He put it very succinctly last nite. "You know I like Greg very much and I know you love what you do. I would never want to jeapordize that. But I can't see him having HIS wife or his daughter working 12 hour days, driving around by herself at night, going to strangers' homes. If it keeps up, I'll have to have a talk with him" (they get along very well, btw).

    Today is a little easier, but I have no doubt that there will be a few more like yesterday before we get another groomer. I have always been told that I have the final word on whether or not I want to do a groom, but it's usually in regards to aggressive dogs or creepy owners. When bossman calls and asks me if I "mind" driving another 40 miles and getting home 3 hours later to fit in one of our other groomer's last-minute customers, it puts me in a spot. After an 8 hour day? Hell, yes I mind! But he's the boss and signs my paycheck. So refusal to groom brings a thousand reasons why we cannot piss off this particular customer, or how he (or the dispatcher) has her double-booked and nowhere to put her, etc. etc. By the time he's done outlining all the reasons why this groom needs to be done, I'm pretty much resigned to my fate. He never tells me I MUST do this or be fired. However, I'm uncomfortable with refusing him. Not because I fear being fired but because I dont want to disappoint him. The hazards of being an oily, schmoozing people-pleaser I guess....The situation is what it is, and until we get another groomer I dont see it changing.

    I'm at a loss on how to handle this. I love my husband, I love my boss, I love my job...Any advice out there?
    Guard well within yourself that treasure, kindness. Know how to give without hesitation, how to lose without regret, how to acquire without meanness.
    George Sand (1804 - 1876)

  • #2
    I feel for you Puppy Fluffer

    I kinda agree with your husband. I, myself am fearful of going to strangers at night. I am leary when men call to make the appt. Too bad you couldn't have a man go along at night. Like maybe bossman or your husband could ride along? It wouldn't be as nice as sitting at your dinner table with a good dinner he cooked, but maybe the Mc Donalds would be easier to swollow if he was there to share. That is the only siggestion I have. I also know, you would have to stop at home to get him when the sun started to set. I often go 50 miles round trip, and to drive back home would be out of the way. I left my wallet in the rig yesterday, switched to my car and had no wallet at the store and had to go back home to get it. It was only 3 miles each way and was a PITA, but I did it.
    I think you just have to care for you health and safety above all else.

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    • #3
      If your domestic life becomes ****, that will quickly filter down and have a direct and immediate impact on your professional life/outlook. It's that simple, and that true.

      You will be "pushed" until you learn to say "no". It's human nature as a "boss" to do that...(I know...I did it ALL the time, as I push myself hard) It was brought to my attention by one of my employees that was designated the "spokesperson" by the other 2.

      It made me feel sad. Like you...they really gave me their all.

      We arrived at a compromise whereby each person would say things like "I'm only good for 2 more baths, then I'm out of here"...or "I can hang w/ you for 1 more hour, but then I have to go", or "I need to leave on time today". Mind you...all of this was after they supposedly should have been finished w/ their work day.

      It gave me a "window" to prioritize what essential chores/baths I wanted them to do, and it gave them a "light at the end of the tunnel". No more long days for them....just because I chose to put 12 hour days in.

      As a boss...it was a very good lesson for me to learn, and the girls were very diplomatic about bringing it to my attention.
      I am still grateful...because I think learning that, avoided alot of potential feelings of resentment towards me when I was somewhat oblivious to their situations.
      Often it's not what you say, but how you say it.

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      • #4
        I don't think your husband is the issue here. I kind of disagree with him taking that "father-figure" role. My husband would never consider "having a talk" with MY boss. That is my place, not his.

        But yes, it is your place to have the talk with your boss if you feel that he is taking advantage of you or asking too much of you. I understand your not wanting to disappoint him; I am that way too, and I would probably be doing the same thing in your situation, but even I will only get pushed around so far before enough is enough! I'd talk with him before this happens again, rather than waiting until you are put on the spot like that again.

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        • #5
          Trust me

          After years of neglecting my family for my job, my job sent me (and everyone I worked with) packing. My family is still here (thank God). Never again will I work like a fool to please anyone other than my wife and kids.

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          • #6
            You're a big girl, PF!

            I agree with the others and wouldn't get your husband involved. I don't think your boss is going to be very understanding if you wreck the van because you're falling asleep at the wheel, and then go "But you're working me to death!"

            I would ask for a timeline with a replacement groomer. here's some suggestions.

            1) I will keep working 10 hour days for X weeks until you get a new groomer. I don't mind helping you out, but after that, I'm back to 8 hour days, new groomer or no new groomer.

            2) I am so exhausted from my current workload that I run the risk of hurting myself or a pet, and might actually burn out. I need some slack cut for me. It's not MY fault that you don't have a replacement groomer.

            Easy and simple as that!

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Alice View Post
              I don't think your husband is the issue here. I kind of disagree with him taking that "father-figure" role. My husband would never consider "having a talk" with MY boss. That is my place, not his.
              Yeah, I agree with you there, Alice. I reminded him that he was my husband, not my daddy, and that I could fight my own battles verymuch. He did grudgingly agree that it was NOT his place to bring it up, but he loves me so much he has a bit of a blind spot sometimes.

              Originally posted by Jenneversage6423042309872459
              Too bad you couldn't have a man go along at night. Like maybe bossman or your husband could ride along?
              That's probably what Im gonna say next time DH brings it up.

              Sibes, keep yer phone handy today, please. I've recently been made aware of something that puts an entirely different spin on the whole shebang and I REALLY need your advice.
              Guard well within yourself that treasure, kindness. Know how to give without hesitation, how to lose without regret, how to acquire without meanness.
              George Sand (1804 - 1876)

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              • #8
                Huh? What? Sorry...have snow in my ears. We're almost over our heads here.....
                (As my Marine neighbor would say....call me after 0:darkhundred.) I'll be here w/ cleared ears......
                Attached Files
                Often it's not what you say, but how you say it.

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                • #9
                  To be honest, I think the extra dogs and late hours are part of running a business. If he wants the extras done and the late hours put in, the BOSS should be doing it, not you.

                  I don't really know a good way to bring it up or speak up, because I'm really tired right now from working all day myself...lol...my mind is shut off right now.

                  Good luck!!!

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                  • #10
                    Sorry Plufferchick. I can't advise ya on this one. I don't allow men to dictate to me about my career. T'aint happenin'
                    The ocean is a desert with it's life underground and the perfect disguise above><((((؛>`·.¸¸.·´¯`·.¸.·´¯`·...¸><((((؛>¸.
                    ·´¯`·.¸. , . .·´¯`·.. ><((((؛>`·.¸¸.·´¯`·.¸.·´¯`·...¸><((((؛>

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                    • #11
                      Actually it is ILLEGAL for your boss to discuss anything with your husband about your job, performance or pay. Unless you have signed and had notarized a form allowing the communication between the 2.

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                      • #12
                        It is not your job to work o-time

                        It is not up to you to do the work of 2 groomers, or even 1-1/2 groomers.

                        If there is another groomer required, you should not be expected to work yourself to exhaustion doing the extra work. It is a management problem to prioritize and explain, and even lose money by not being able to book the dogs. However, maybe when the boss asks you, he takes your "yes" as meaning that you want to make extra money. So maybe he feels that it is a "win/win" situation. It will be up to you to tell him that the long hours are draining YOU and straining your relationship, so now may be the time to keep only the best clients with the best dogs...

                        Good luck.

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                        • #13
                          If this is a rough two holiday weeks, but it is unusual for your boss to push you this hard, and is mostly the result of it being Christmas and a groomer short because someone quit not too long ago, then I'd say pitch in, help out, and grit your teeth, Christmas is almost here and will be gone soon. Your boss should recognize the extra work and effort and it will pay off.

                          However, if this is normal treatment from your boss and you are often over scheduled or begged to fill in at the last minute, etc, then you need to be talking to your boss.


                          The hubby isn't wrong for being protective of his wife. And he is probably right in that the boss man probably would be concerned about super long days and after dark if it was his wife or daughter he was pushing. I say recognize hubby's concerns as legit and give him something he can do to help. If he's a good guy, he's frustrated that he can't solve this problem for you and it kills him to see you working so hard and being so exhausted. Let him know how he can help you with a nice foot massage and a long hot bubble bath followed by a nice cuddle as you fall asleep exhausted and I bet he'll feel better too. If the husband knows that this is indeed temporary, and he knows how to help you get through it, he's going to feel a lot better.

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                          • #14
                            Swissnchow, you are exactly right about my hubby. Reallly good suggestions in that last paragraph (he read it and said, Ooo, that's a good idea!).

                            So far, Im in grit-my-teeth-and-bear-it mode. If things don't change after the New Year, Im gonna have a little chat with him. And thanks to my chat with Bernie, my own personal shrink and life-lesson guru, I now know how to approach him.

                            But not today....I actually have today off!

                            Oh, yeah, btw....I'm learning how to say "no" (or HELL, NO, as the case may be) and it gets easier every time you do it. 4pm yesterday, just about done with my last groom for the day and the office calls (not bossman, he be outta town till tuesday). "Would you mind going to Orland (25 miles away) and doing a "quick" bath and lion clip for a lady's Himalayan? She's a new customer and she sounds desperate" (I'll bet she does!). Nope. Sorry. "OK." Calls back 2 minutes later. "She's offering to pay you an additional $20...". LMAO! NO!..."OK". 3 minutes go by and the phone rings again; "How about if she pays you an additional $50? I'll throw in another $20 myself.." (bribery? are you really trying to BRIBE me?) Hysterical laughter, followed by a wheezing, NO, DAMMIT! Her lack of planning is not my emergency! Ain't gonna happen, K!" Small sigh from the office, followed by a giggle. "I didn't think so...."

                            I was SO proud of myself! I grew a spine and it didn't hurt at all!
                            Last edited by PuppyFluffer; 12-20-09, 08:50 AM. Reason: Forgot to tell ya..
                            Guard well within yourself that treasure, kindness. Know how to give without hesitation, how to lose without regret, how to acquire without meanness.
                            George Sand (1804 - 1876)

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                            • #15
                              IMHO it is up to you to set boundaries when it somes to your career...I would laugh and maybe fire someone if their spouse called to complain about their job.

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