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  • After 20 years...OT

    of being with my husband, I officially asked him to leave last night. Things haven't been going well for the last 6 or 7 years and I have finally gotten too tired to fight it anymore. This is all on my side really; he had "no idea" it was coming though how he couldn't I don't know.
    My girls are 15 & 17 so they're old enough to understand and sadly were part of my decision to end it.
    I'm hoping for an amicable split and when I went to bed last night, I thought it would happen. But, so far today it's not looking that way.
    While I'm not devastated over this, I am sad. I was the last one out of my siblings to still be married to my first spouse and to have been with him for 20 years.
    I'll have to relocate my business to a more affordable and smaller location and continue to work my tooshie off to make ends meet and to get caught up but I know I can do it.

    Sorry to dump all this on you guys; just one of the few locations I can go to "talk" and who won't judge me for being a horrible person to do this during the holiday season or doing this period. I CAN'T WAIT to see what will be said of me by his mom after this...
    ~*~*~Shawn, C.M.G.~*~*~
    Apparently common sense isn't all that common
    *~*~emipoo on egroomer*~*~*

  • #2
    I went to a class recently to help me deal with all the things that are on my plate. She said you have three choices in determing the effect of a stress on your life and wellbeing.
    Change it
    Accept it
    or Move on.
    As drastic as it is, and requires you to step out of your comfort zone, if it is truly the best for you, then so be it.
    I wish you a peaceful spilt, if he really was clueless as to truly how unhappy you are, then there will be rough times, but take the time to focus on what you need and what your girls need.
    I am sorry, and yet happy for you at the same time. It takes courage to put yourself first.

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    • #3
      I don't think you are a horrible person, I also was the one that told my first husband it was over. I lost alot of friends when we split because I was the evil [email protected]#ch who broke his heart but I wasn't happy and could no longer pretend to be to make everyone else happy. I still miss the old friends and some of the old family but I do not regret my decision for even a minute, I know I am better off. Thank god there were no children involved in my divorce however coming from a family of divorced parents ( I was 17 when they split) I think your girls, even though it is never easy, are old enough to understand and respect your feelings. Please feel free to PM me if you need an ear or shoulder.

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      • #4
        ya know...

        i may be young (20 in nov) but i got married at 18,thought i could change him and rule the world haha not so much anymore.. i kicked his sorry ass to the curb 3 mos after our wedding and i was the biggest BIOTCH according to his family. i simply could not live with him anymore, and now im a better, happier person. i sat down with my "daddy" the other day and he told me this:

        "you will never be great if someone holds you down, you have to be you, so that you can attain your dreams because they are no ones but your own"

        screw what his family thinks of you, you do what makes you happy, and makes you a better you.

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        • #5
          Well this does explain the weird vibe i got in the shop today =/ I know things will work out for you Shawn, and I'll be following you around when the shop relocates. I really love working with you and your family, i absolutely adore your girls. And I know that whatever bad happens, we'll still have fun&you'll get through it. &I'll be there to work my tooshie off with you!!
          Last edited by Mollyclizbe; 12-17-09, 04:03 PM.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by theresaseago View Post
            "you will never be great if someone holds you down, you have to be you, so that you can attain your dreams because they are no ones but your own"
            I really like that!!

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            • #7
              Aaah, you're not alone, dear. I told my hub that's over here as well 2 or 3 weeks ago. Some people may look down on me for doing this in the holiday season as well, but for me, I feel like I have this huge black cloud of doom that has been following me for the last 16 months lifted from me. It's sad but I'm at peace with this. Of course, I'm afraid I'll have to get out of grooming and a get a "normal" job with health insurance, but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. Best wishes to you!!

              Linda

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              • #8
                One door closes and a new one opens. Who knows it might be a bigger, better, brighter door. Don't worry about what the family says. You have to make yourself happy and it's easy for them to judge, they don't walk in your shoes.

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                • #9
                  Oh, Shawn. I'm sorry. I'm sure it will be difficult, but you have two beautiful daughters who will be there with you. You'll still be a family. I've seen your work, and I've seen your drive. You'll make it through this and be a happier, stronger person for it.
                  don't find yourself up a creek without a poodle.

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                  • #10
                    Ugh I'm having relationship problems too

                    After 7 years (yeah, since we were 15!) he's not sure he sees it going anywhere. We've had this problem before, and he's begun to feel that way when I have personal issues and get all withdrawn. We're gonna try to work on it, but it's hard. It's messing up my grades, which might mess up my financial aid, which makes EVERYTHING HARDER. I'm normally a really private person, and none of my family or co-workers know about it, which also makes things hard. I really love/care about my boyfriend, and I don't want to upset my family. The all really love him too.

                    Hang in there... I feel for you.

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                    • #11
                      OMG

                      What is it, the weather. I too had told my husband it was over unless he got professional help. We had a problem on thanksgiving weekend and I told him i was going to leave him, it will be 21 years this new years eve!! No children thank the Lord!! We decide to first see a marriage/anger managment counselor. We have been to two sessions and, cross your fingers, I think we might be able to work this out. We go again next week. Maybe it can work for you. Good luck!!

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Mollyclizbe View Post
                        Well this does explain the weird vibe i got in the shop today =/ I know things will work out for you Shawn, and I'll be following you around when the shop relocates. I really love working with you and your family, i absolutely adore your girls. And I know that whatever bad happens, we'll still have fun&you'll get through it. &I'll be there to work my tooshie off with you!!
                        Sorry Molly Things will get better I know that. You've been a godsend to the business and I love having you there. We've got some rough road ahead but we'll get through.
                        ~*~*~Shawn, C.M.G.~*~*~
                        Apparently common sense isn't all that common
                        *~*~emipoo on egroomer*~*~*

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                        • #13
                          I divorced my ex after 26 years of marriage. Never looked back. We separated a year before; I told him he had to get sober and stay sober and hold down a job. He chose not to.
                          Now he is sober and working and all alone in PA.

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                          • #14
                            I'm sorry to hear that! I got divorced after 10 years, half of that time was bad. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your girls!

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Moonpiepoodlz View Post
                              Sorry Molly Things will get better I know that. You've been a godsend to the business and I love having you there. We've got some rough road ahead but we'll get through.
                              I know everyone and the shop will get through it I was just concerned because you were both being really quiet, I wasn't sure if you had told him or not, I had the vibe that you did.
                              Last edited by Mollyclizbe; 12-17-09, 06:48 PM.

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