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  • am i too sensitive?

    i've recently been promoted to salon manager and this is where the problems begin. i've been learning from the lady that was my boss and as a person i think she's a strong willed, likable person, most of the time.my problem is: she is a perfectionist and has an incredible memory, i am not either one. i have refused to even answer her when she gets in her aggressive moods and even that doesn't slow her down. i lose my patience with her and we argue and it is so unprofessional i want to die. i've told her repeatedly that all i want is to do my job and do it well. she is loud and pushy and i'm at the end of my rope. if she doesn't learn control (fat chance) i'm afraid of what i'll say or do. this has been a long time in coming and i'm worried i won't be able to contain myself until she's gone.

  • #2
    Does this person have a boss over her, or is she the owner? If she has a boss, you need to go to her boss and discuss your problem, then maybe the three of you can have a sit-down and air out your problems. If the problem continues, look for somewhere else to work. It doesn't sound like this is a very good environment that is conductive to learning and working. It doesn't seem to me that you are too sensitive, it sounds to me like you don't like being pushed around by a bully. BTW, if the two of you continue to argue, you will end up loosing customers for this business. I wouldn't take my dogs to a business that has a lot of obvious disharmony between the employees.
    SheilaB from SC

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    • #3
      I say if you know she's leaving then grin and bear it in the comfort it'll be only you soon enough. Just think those bad things you want to say inside your head but stay professional on the outside. Don't lower yourself to the argueing just say we'll talk when everything is calmer or I don't have time to discuss this right now I have to do such and such . I don't deal with people who only like to control and argue and wait unti they are more reasonable and try to have an "adult conversation". Then again it could just be an good old personality clash between you and her.

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      • #4
        I've dealt with these kind of people before. Not in this setting though. Keep in mind you must be doing something right in order for you to be her equal now. When she gets irate, don't deal with it. Explain to her that she's being completely unprofessional and refuse to raise your voice or get to her level. Once you have a moment go right to the store manager with your concerns. Document everything, with management and on your own. Explain to him how she's acting in an unprofessional manner and you fear for yourself and for the animals, because of her aggression. Believe me when management and co workers see you won't go to her level they'll be more impressed then if ya gave her the ol' beat down in the middle of the shop.

        I've had woman screaming in my face that was half my size and a lot shorter then me. This was a co-worker no less. I did yell though, I said stop acting like a psychotic child and gave her a stern look and said you better calm down. Then I think she realized hey her calm kindness should not be mistaken for weakness. My supervisor even said, Mary your more of a woman then me cause I would of hit her. All my co-workers said the same, and she was looked upon as a nut.

        keep your cool, I know it's hard but it will be worth it in the long run. You seem like your doing a great job already and congratulations!!!!

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        • #5
          Maybe now should be the time to start looking elsewhere. I think your instincts are telling you this, but you are listening. Once you get up the courage to leave and find another place of employement, only then will you realize all the pressure you've been under.

          astrodog

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          • #6
            allison,

            I just read this message and also one about the customers not listening to you. You are unhappy with your boss, unhappy with your customers, the common demoninator is you. Don't take it as critisim, maybe you need a break, have things going on at home, or this shop just isn't a fit.
            Distance yourself, and read both of your posts as if written by someone else,.

            astrordog

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            • #7
              When you say "...until she's gone" do you mean she's leaving soon? If that's the case, don't argue, suck it up, and remind yourself frequently that this too shall pass.

              But keep in mind that, as salon manager, you're going to run into these situations all too often. If it's not an employee, it'll be a client. So here's some tips on how to manage effectively.

              Remain calm. Don't let emotion rule you. No matter how angry the person is making you, you have to remain in control.

              Don't argue, but stick to your position. People will often try changing the point their arguing to gain an advantage. Don't let them get away with that. Keep them on topic. And keep yourself on topic.

              For example, I once had a very intense debate with my store manager over scheduling. He was losing ground, and he knew it, so he tossed out a comment about how well they paid me, insinuating that I was paid well enough to put up with bad scheduling. I answered him with "Yes, I'm well paid. But that's not what we're discussing, is it? We're discussing how to schedule, and as grooming manager, I want things scheduled like this, and I don't intend to accept anything less." Stay on topic. Don't get diverted to something else.

              When you're a manager, sometimes you have to make management decisions that people won't like. As much as you may be loath to do it, pull rank. Don't be apologetic "...all I want is to do my job..." because it'll get you nowhere. When she starts arguing, pull rank. "I've made my decision. I'm sorry you don't like it, but that's how it's going to be. End of discussion. Now get back to work, or punch out and go home."

              I cut my management teeth, so to speak, on a room full of some of the most vile women on the planet. I had to learn to be a hard azz, but be a fair hard azz, or give up and let the inmates run the asylum. In the end, a lot of them liked me, a couple of them hated me, but all of them treated me with respect.

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              • #8
                A little trick I learned working in a collection agency. When someone is upset and screaming, keep talking slowly and softly, they will almost always quiet down to hear what you are saying. As soon as she does explain to her that you would be happy to discuss the problem, but not until she calms down and talks to you as a rational adult.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by PoodleMom View Post
                  A little trick I learned working in a collection agency. When someone is upset and screaming, keep talking slowly and softly, they will almost always quiet down to hear what you are saying. As soon as she does explain to her that you would be happy to discuss the problem, but not until she calms down and talks to you as a rational adult.
                  And another trick that I, too, learned from working at a collection agency is not to argue back. Sometimes they just need to speak their story and get it out of their system. Then go back to what you were doing, LOL.

                  Tammy in Utah
                  Groomers Helper Affiliate

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                  • #10
                    I got the impression that the other managers leaving. DON'T LEAVE! You are doing good for yourself and your in a management position now. You know as well as I know, you will get an annoying customer now and again, you'll get that anywhere. Brush it off and laugh about it with your co-workers later. I'm sorry but I don't feel you should leave unless you have something lined up where you'll have benefits. You seem to be getting great recognition being promoted and all. If the other manager's staying maybe consider leaving....but I wouldn't.

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                    • #11
                      Yes unprofessional

                      and unacceptable. The dogs if nothing else will pick up the tension. I don't quite get the dynamics. Used to be your boss, now you are salon manager? Did she step down and you are over her now. Great source of her displeasure. Do not engage in argument. Easier said than done, but important. Say I'll speak with you after the salon closes, or if applicable go to an office. Say it every single time she raises her voice. Say I am the manager and this is how I want such and such done. Say gently, we cannot be arguing like this in the salon. Get mediation. Anything.

                      I worked very briefly for a shop. The owner and the manager argued about lots. It was awful. (there were other things not good, too). When I said this is not a good fit for me, but I'll stay out the week as promised, the owner and the manager got into a big argument as to whether I should stay the week or leave right then. Owner wanted me to stay, manager said let the door slam behind you. I packed my stuff and said, Sorry, this is not working.

                      Sensitive or not has little to do with it. You said it, you cannot be arguing ongoing at the shop.
                      Money will buy you a pretty good dog but it won't buy the wag of it's tail.

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                      • #12
                        Edited.
                        Last edited by pamperedpups; 02-25-07, 05:03 PM.

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                        • #13
                          It does sound from your post that the prior manager will be leaving soon. If that's the case, and you enjoy your workplace and your new position, then I would be patient until she leaves.

                          There are two excellent books written by Anne Katherine, M.A. called "Where To Draw The Line" and "Bounderies". These two books are easy to read and give you "tools" that you can use when dealing with personalities like you described. The ideas in these books can also be helpful for managers to use when dealing with employees.

                          Taking over as a new manager, as well as managing in general, you will be dealing with a vast array of personalities and challenges. I hope that the business has clear cut goals and rules layed out. It can be a huge challenge to manage a business without them. Congratulations on your new position and best of luck.

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