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Top Ten anal gland requests

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  • Top Ten anal gland requests

    This is my list of the top 10 things people have asked for when they wanted to ask me to express their dogs anal glands:

    can you squeeze my dogs.....

    10. poop sac?
    9. anus pouches?
    8. angus sac? ( sounds like a cow thing)
    7. anus pods?
    6. can you scoop out my dogs butt? (eewe)
    5. can you expell my dog? ( i said depends...what did he do wrong?
    4. can you squeeze my dogs angina gland? (a very elderly woman asked me to do this. I lost it, and started laughing so hard. I said to her, " did you mean you would like me to squeeze your dogs anal gland?" she just looked at me strangely and said "Yes dear, that's what I said!"
    3. Can you remove my dogs glands?
    2. Can you explode my dogs anals (got any dynamite?")

    and the #1 funniest thing someone asked for when they wanted the dogs glands expressed......................................... .....

    1. Can you squeeze my dogs vagina gland? (This was just asked of me about 3 weeks ago. It was a middle aged man. I told him I was not that kind of girl!! When I explained to him what he really wanted done, he turned a very deep shade of red and told me his wife told him to ask for this. We both had a great laugh.......My question is: Did he misunderstand his wife or was she getting revenge on him for something else......I guess we'll never know!

  • #2
    Thats so funny
    When I ask people if they want me to check the anal glands they look horrified. They really should come up with a cute word for it
    Ok ATTN Groomers from here on out it is no longer refered to as anal glands but
    I don't know help me think of one.
    Would You like me to check the AG's
    Would you like me to make sure he is emptied every where a dog should be emptied!
    Would you like him expressed is always good!
    I still can't think of a cute name for it.
    There is nothing cute about the disgusting fluid coming out of that sack. The other day a sheltie I did had never had it done and they were so full I swear I got a quarter of a cup out of this dog, I told her they were probably on the verge of rupturing. So gross.
    Ok how about empty his gravy buckets!

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    • #3
      I like gravy buckets...lol

      goldiphlox...vagina gland? Oh my gosh, too funny. You handled it very well....I would have had so much trouble not laughing!...or grimacing
      Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job. ~Franklin P. Jones

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      • #4
        Gravy Buckets

        Oh, that's good!!! I like it. I think if I asked someone if I could empty their dogs gravy buckets for them I would really get some strange looks!

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        • #5
          When my son was bathing for me when he was young, he would tell me I had to do the butt thing all the time. My husband just tells me to do the butt, as he bathes all my dogs, but does not do the anal glands. Kind of a pain, since I generally do all the smaller dogs.

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          • #6
            ...ewwwww....empty his gravy buckets!.....ewwwww There's just something about that that really groses me out! lol


            When my husband first heard about anal glands I thought he was going to pass out, lol! Then he thought he was being cute by saying I should print up t-shirts that read

            "This is America, express your anal glands"
            don't find yourself up a creek without a poodle.

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            • #7
              How about "LOF?" (Lube Oil Filter). Full Service today? LOL...

              I worked with a bather that said, "I can't empty the dog's ANUS GLANDS!!!!!" It was hilarious.

              Tammy in Utah
              Groomers Helper Affiliate

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              • #8
                after each groom we fill out a paper that tells what we have done to the dog such as expressing anal glands, bath, trim nails, cleaning ears and such. One elderly super nice gentleman asked me after reading his paper,"what are the anal glands and what is the procedure for expiditeing them?" As he was asking me this he was whispering this to me and his face was beet red. I was trying to be as serious as possible when I was explaining the "procedure" to him but I as laughing inside.

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                • #9
                  Poke?

                  I had a lady in about 2 months ago who wanted a "boy" schnazer cut and told me NOT under any circumstance to "Poke her dog's butt" don't ever poke his butt!!

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                  • #10
                    Poke his butt

                    Originally posted by Shei77 View Post
                    I had a lady in about 2 months ago who wanted a "boy" schnazer cut and told me NOT under any circumstance to "Poke her dog's butt" don't ever poke his butt!!
                    That's just weird.....She probably heard terrible stories about groomers poking defenseless little puppies butts!lol

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                    • #11
                      OH MY!!!! This post has brought to home the fact that as a group, groomers are a bunch of sick puppies....lol....
                      Gravy bucket emptiers and butt pokers......that's us!!!! Well, gotta go and expedite some vagina sacs to bring home the bacon!!
                      SheilaB from SC

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                      • #12
                        OMG I have such a gut ache now!!!! all Very funny and except for the vaginal thing I've heard them all!! My fave is a client asking me " Could you make sure to DeScent his Scent Sacks?" or the OAY client who is appalled when you tell him that the dog needs to see a vet because the AG's are absessed........" well if my other dog would stop licking her butt we wouldn't have this issues would we?"

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                        • #13
                          i had a new one today

                          man says to me, "can you clear out my dogs valves?" i said, "I've heard em all but that's a new one for me" he says, "yeah, it's a technical term!" lol

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                          • #14
                            I can't think of any funny ones right now but isn't it funny how they all whisper when they talk about it. I have one lady that will ask us to do her dogs anal glands and then she appologizes all over the place.

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                            • #15
                              LMAO!!! i think i will be one of those groomers who dosnt do anals...im sorry but thats just disgusting to me! hell ill get good ole fiance' soon to be hubby (hopefully in the near future lol!) to do it FOR me! he used to work for a vet and watched it done...id be puking all over the place! noooooooo thank you no anal gland juice on me!
                              smells bad enough w/o the juice going along with it.,...
                              gravy buckets...HAHAHHAH! reminds me of working at the deli (where i work now) when we slice roast beef we always ask...do you want the gravy with that? or the juice or whatever ya wanna call it....sometimes...i feel like smackin people upside the head with lunchmeat! ugh!!! now...i will secretly think in my head...hey...ya want the gravy...go down to your local grooming shop and ask for the gravy buckets....heh heh heh....gravy buckets! thats just funny...does it honestly look like gravy? ya know...someone should squirt it into a bucket and see how many buckets full they get during the day divided by howmany dogs they did!
                              comeon now! contest time!!!
                              whoever gets the most gravy buckets wins!
                              and yes...we are all very sick sick twisted little puppies here....
                              Hound

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