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  1. #13
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Chicago
    Posts
    2,175

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    I actually like this thread a lot the way it is going. You cannot book men all in the same category, and using your talent for female intuition is important. You can and should ask questions, but some of them won't tell their truth, and many not even know it. Be strong ladies as many of you are. It can get tougher the more independent you are owning your business. But you have to live your dream.

  2. #14
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Posts
    1,282

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    Clean Puppy. I thought of you yesterday. I have to agree with Emma here. Owning a grooming business can be really frustrating. Dealing with clients, employees, taxes, and supplies. It’s easy to voice those frustrations to those nearest to us.

    Yesterday I sent my DH a text that said “These employee’s are driving me CRAZY!” Plus I need to get my quarterly taxes finished up and payday is Monday so I need to do that paperwork before my weekend can begin.

    If all my man heard was the frustration talk he would indeed think he was “rescuing me” if I didn’t have to run a business. “Work for someone else” he would say. “Let them worry about all that”. But I love having my shop. That’s why I’m still doing this years and years later.

    Yes, make it clear early on that you are a business owner and intend to stay that way.

    Even as a teenager, and later as an adult, I would take new boyfriends to dog shows. This is my hobby. This is what I’m interested in. I would take them over to the Sighthound area and say “these are the type of dogs I love”. If they in turn took me over to the German Shepherds, well, relationship over—even before it starts. ( no offense to you GSD lovers...I’m just a Sighthound and Terrier lover)

    So just be clear. Quiz them and quiz them often. Let them know what is important to YOU! And while it’s fine to voice your business frustrations, make equal time to voice all the things you love about your career choice.

    Now, back to doing taxes and paychecks!

  3. #15
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    832

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    Quote Originally Posted by dogma View Post
    Clean Puppy. I thought of you yesterday. I have to agree with Emma here. Owning a grooming business can be really frustrating. Dealing with clients, employees, taxes, and supplies. It’s easy to voice those frustrations to those nearest to us.

    Yesterday I sent my DH a text that said “These employee’s are driving me CRAZY!” Plus I need to get my quarterly taxes finished up and payday is Monday so I need to do that paperwork before my weekend can begin.

    If all my man heard was the frustration talk he would indeed think he was “rescuing me” if I didn’t have to run a business. “Work for someone else” he would say. “Let them worry about all that”. But I love having my shop. That’s why I’m still doing this years and years later.

    Yes, make it clear early on that you are a business owner and intend to stay that way.

    Even as a teenager, and later as an adult, I would take new boyfriends to dog shows. This is my hobby. This is what I’m interested in. I would take them over to the Sighthound area and say “these are the type of dogs I love”. If they in turn took me over to the German Shepherds, well, relationship over—even before it starts. ( no offense to you GSD lovers...I’m just a Sighthound and Terrier lover)

    So just be clear. Quiz them and quiz them often. Let them know what is important to YOU! And while it’s fine to voice your business frustrations, make equal time to voice all the things you love about your career choice.

    Now, back to doing taxes and paychecks!
    LOL, good advice for me too. Except I don't have to get back to taxes yet.

  4. #16
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    1,725

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    True true ladies but there are most definitely men, especially men associated with one faith in particular but not any way limited too, the virtuous wife stays home and has the babies. I went through this growing up in an area like this. Now it is not always a faith issue, but some men are absolutely 100% raised by parents to be this or that, and one of those choices is to be THE breadwinner or family pride is out the door. Seriously.

  5. #17
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    617

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    All of you are awesome. I SEE THE LIGHT you could say. Went through a couple dark days and feel renewed. I can even laugh at myself. It's my clear day.

  6. #18
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    617

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    I have some sort of companionship now. One of our bathers gave notice today. She is pregnant and giving plenty of notice. But she said she probably won't come back. Her husband wants her to be a permanent stay at home mom.

  7. #19
    Join Date
    Jun 2017
    Posts
    102

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    Let me just say at my church, well my family's church, there are definitely men that believe this way even today. It makes me uncomfortable and do we need more stress and restrictions in this world?

  8. #20
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Posts
    136

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    Sure I have seen this too. It's like male peacocks showing their feathers. I am so successful my wife stays at home and I support the family. It's not really harmful, but I would think terrible for women who want to be mother and financial provider as well and proud of something they can perform.

  9. #21
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Location
    Anaheim, CA
    Posts
    588

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    Quote Originally Posted by cockerlvr View Post
    I agree with Honey. Have that conversation far before a years time. I'm not sure how old you are, and I'm not saying it's the only way it works, obviously people marry much younger than my husband and I did and are longtime happy, but hubby and I, 36 and 30 respectively when we met (neither having been married before), were pretty set on who we were as people. He knew he was getting a strong, opinionated, very independent woman and I knew I was getting a guy who worked hard but played harder. The only thing we weren't in 100 percent agreement on was having kids. He wanted them I didn't ( I liked kids, just had no desire to have any). But three great kids and 22 years later here we are, happy as newlyweds. Neither of us changed who we were and neither of us expected the other to change. I'm pretty darn sure we had those conversations before we ever went on a date actually.
    You and I, and our husbands, are the same age!! No wonder we often think alike.... But even though I had these same conversations since day 1, and he claimed he LOVED an independent woman, that has turned out NOT to be the case. When I moved to CA to be with him, he was convinced I wouldn't be able to get a job and would end up depending on him. I was working after 1 interview 5 days after I moved out. Fast forward 5 years and I was burnt out on attorneys, and I researched the HECK out of grooming, especially on this forum a year before I posted, and switched careers. Did I have his support? NO. He thought I would fail and wanted me to stay stuck in the misery I was in, for the guaranteed paycheck.

    But I still did what I thought was best for me, because I KNOW that I'm the only one who will. And now I make more than twice what he does. So, not only did I prove him wrong, but the damage done from his lack of faith and support in me along the way, PLUS the fact that I outearn him, has been disastrous for us. My point in telling you this, is for you to make very sure that YOU make your positions crystal clear from the beginning. Yet even then.....

  10. #22
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Posts
    382

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    I come from a home with a no-paycheck mother. Husband's mother worked in the steel mill (heck of a handshake!). We were very young and never discussed ANYTHING-we just wanted to be married. I assumed I would work until we had children. He assumed I would go back to work. Sometimes it's been love, sometimes it's been blockheadedness that has kept us together. He still, after 38 years, prefers me to work. Now that I have found grooming and own my own shop, I am happy to oblige him, on my terms. Haha. I sometimes wonder how it would have been if we had had those discussions about working, children, and how many pets are too many before we put those rings on. … oh who am I kidding-I thought he was perfect and would have married him no matter what!
    But yeah-parents have a monstrous influence on some attitudes, and sometimes, down in your very core, you can't totally shake them.

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